Limitations for kids

Have you ever noticed that you treat your kids different because YOU have issues with weight?  Let me explain.  My kids hardly ever drink regular soda, we limit snacking, and they have to eat all of their vegatables.  At home they drink water, crystal light, and 1% milk usually with dinner.  If they want a snack it's usually fruit or yogurt.  During dinner time they know they can't leave the table until all the veggies are eaten from their plates.  I'm not overly concerned about the main course if they are full. 

Today we went to eat Mexican food for lunch.  There was a family sitting next to us with a little boy who had several glasses of Dr. Pepper.  The kids know that they can only order diet soda, water, or tea and have one refill throughout a meal.  Now I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone else (like this family mentioned), but it really made me think. 

Am I stunting their childhood by limiting their choices?  Should I just allow them to be kids and let them drink and eat whatever they want?  I'm trying to teach them a healthy lifestyle because I don't want them to be the fat kid, but am I hurting them in the long run?

Challeging myself

We have two major events coming up that have been weighing on my mind lately.  Therefore, I'm challenging myself to reach a certain weight loss goal.  The calendar is marked and I'm determined to succeed.  There is only one winner in this competition and that is ME! 

#1 - Hubby and I will celebrate our first anniversary on Feburary 14th.  He told me the other day that he wants to make it "special" and is planning something huge.  I would like to lose 10 pounds by that time, that's 5 weeks.  I would be at my lowest weight since who knows when AND be under 300 pounds.  My reward is to get a nice dress for our evening. 

#2 - See that lovely couple up there?  That's our best friends who will be tying the knot on April 9th.  They have graciously asked Hubby to be the best man.  I would like to lose 25 pounds before their special day.  That would put me at 284 and a total of 51.4 pounds down!  My reward?  Another dress of course! 

Even though I had a melt down today about the number on the scale I'm going to continue to do the work that I put in this week.  I'm determined that these goals will be met; I will do this!  And the reward to buy two pretty new dresses is such an awesome motivation!!!

Frustrated with weighing in

This morning was weigh in and it ended up with me on the floor crying next to my scale. 

• I've stayed within my daily Weight Watchers Points allotment all week.  I did not use any weekly "cheat" points. 
• I've tracked every single morsel of food.
• For the past 7 days I've been exercising.  Hubby and I have been riding our bikes around the neighborhood.  Around lunch I dance for 20-40 minutes using the Xbox Kinect.
• 6-12 glasses of water every single day. 
• I've been taking Melatoin religiously to help me sleep at night.  It's been a miracle. 
• And because I was curious, I started tracking my calories which range between 1400-1700 daily.

All that work for 0.4 loss?  This week I've been totally committed to staying on track and my result is a 0.4 loss.  So damn frustrating! 

Hate-Loss Challenge - I am beautiful

Let's be honest....I am alittle apprehensive about posting this video. The first time I watched it, I thought it wasn't good enough. That I wasn't good enough! The more I let the words sink in, the more I believe in myself. And isn't this what the Hate-Loss Challenge is about? This is me, The Fat Mom, baring my soul.

The unmentionables

I'm warning you in advance.  The image that is posted toward the bottom of this post is disturbing (and severely embarrassing).  If you are into that sort of thing then you need help then go ahead and look, but don't say that I didn't warn you.

Today I went through my unmentionables and decided that I needed a change.  The fat, bloated, granny panties just aren't doing it for me anymore.  I've put this off as much as I could (just like all my other clothes shopping) because who really likes to shop for big girl underwear? 

Side Note:  I worked for Lane Bryant way back when.  They will take back, no questions asked, USED thongs.  No joke!  So, please wash all underwear before you wear them.  Still gives me the heebie jeebies thinking about that pair of stained thongs.  And I will spare you the description of the smell.

Anyway, I received a gift card to a well known big girl store and was ready to shop.  I have to prepare myself for these types of things you know.  I looked for jeans, shirts, and unmentionables in a smaller size.  Every shirt or pair of pants that I looked at had nothing in my current size.  Ironically, they had the larger size that I'm trying to get rid of.  I ended up purchasing only 2 pairs of undies; that stuff is expensive!

When I get home, I take out my granny panties and compare.  This is what I see. 

I'm speechless and beyond embarrassed.  That's a whole lotta fabric!  But more importantly, that's a whole lotta ass! 

A cupcake

Today we did a mini birthday party for stepson's 7th birthday.  We went bowling, opened presents, and stuck a candle in some cupcakes.  For 2 hours I salivated over those cupcakes on the table.  Should I have one?  Should I not?  I was consumed by the calling of that chocolately goodness.  It's ALL that I could think about.  It shouldn't be a surprise....I ate one.

Instead of feeling like a failure or some big fat loser, I felt ok.  There was no name calling.  There was no disappointment.  There was just peace within myself that I ate a freakin' cupcake.  And then I felt.....shock.   Does that make my weight loss journey pointless because I felt ok about eating a cupcake? 

We brought the last cupcake home for Oldest and Youngest to share.  Everytime I walked into the kitchen I thought about eating it.  I had images of hiding in the corner and shoveling that cupcake into my mouth.  Nobody would know.  I could say that I threw it in the trash if anyone asked.  There was no way my hubby would suspect otherwise.

After dinner was the perfect time to eat it and I wanted it so bad!  More like my life depended on it.  I couldn't go on without eating that cupcake.  It was in my hand and making it's way into my opened mouth.  Before it touched my lips I realized that I couldn't eat it.  I didn't WANT to eat it.  There was no way that I was going to eat it.  I cut it in half and made the kids eat it (like it was intended). 

How can a cupcake cause so much turmoil in a single day?

Re-committed

New Years Eve was spent with some of my closest friends.  We ate too much, drank too much, and partied hard!  There is nothing like ringing in the new year with the ones you love close by.  At midnight, I kissed my beloved and knew that this year would be a year we will never forget.  2010 was a struggle and I am gladly saying good-bye. 

This morning (or should I say afternoon) I woke up with a new outlook on life.  Today is the first day of the new year and I'm re-committing to my effort to lose weight.  I'm looking desperately at the bigger picture.  We have 52 weeks left in this year.  If I work my butt off and lose the recommended 2 pounds a week.....that's 104 pounds lost!  It's totally doable people!

And as much as I'm excited by those numbers, I'm scared.  I'm scared of failure.  I'm scared of change.  104 pounds is another person.  Who will I be?  Will I lose myself or just be a better me? 

Despite these feelings, I'm moving forward.  I have to move forward even if it's one baby step at a time.