I feel so tremendously loved!

I'm late on posting these bloggy awards, but that doesn't mean I don't cherish every single one of them.  Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time out to send these awards to me.  I feel so tremendously loved!  So, I'm here to send some shout outs and maybe reveal some things about myself that you didn't already know. 

By the way, I will be sending these awards off for others to enjoy.  If you do not want to participate, it will not hurt my feelings!

 

Twiggy over at Onward and Downward sent the Cherry On Top Award like a billion years ago.  I was going to send her some oatmeal cookies as an apology, but she got an email instead.  I know, that's pretty lame.  There were no instructions on what to do with this award so I did the hokey pokey and turned myself around.  That's what it's all about people!   

Now, I give this award to Christina @ My Last Weight Loss Journey.  She has been struggling lately, and I completely know how she feels.  I hope this sends alittle pick me up!

Jennifer over at One Step At A Time sent me the Honest Scrap Award.  I try to keep things real around here and I'm glad other people can see that. 

 

I send this award off to Leslie @ Something Brilliant is Brewing.  Every single time I read her blog, I come away with something to think about.  She is definitely brilliant!

 

10 honest things about me:

1. I'm so very emotional when it comes to my kids.  I cry at their recitals, the first day of school, the first time they play a new sport, when people say nice things about them, etc.  I'm sure their teachers think I'm wacko for tearing up at parent/teacher conferences. 
2. I hate living in the house we are currently in.  This was my husband and his ex-wife's first house.  They chose this house to raise a family in.  They chose this house to be happy in.  I've changed everything about this house, but it will never be our home. 
3. I want another baby.  Let me rephrase...I want a daughter.  I love my boys, but there is nothing in this world like a mother/daughter relationship.  When I look at my Mom I know that I'm going to miss that bond with my boys. 
4. I call my first husband Fucktard.  Behind his back of course.
5. And speaking of ex's.....My brother's wife was always known as "Rob's first wife".  They are currently going through a divorce because she is a whore.  (And that is probably the nicest thing I can say about her)
6. We have full time custody of Step-Son.  It is the most difficult relationship I have ever had in my life!   
7. I can't wear heels.  I tried to wear heels on my last interview and I threw out my back.  I'm still recovering! 
8. I've always wanted to dance, but weight always held me back.  When I was in high school I tried out for drill team because several of my friends were on the team.  Of course, I didn't get picked.  My parents bought me flowers with two cards, one that said Congrats and the other said Sorry.
9. My biggest dream was to go to Texas ATM.  When my Dad told me I would never get in because I was stupid and lazy, I gave up.  I still regret it. 
10. I can't jump on a trampoline because I pee all over myself.  I would blame it on having children, but even as a child I wouldn't be able to hold it. 

Ellen @ Fat Girl Wearing Thin and The Ninja @ Cooking it Off sent me The Irresistibly Sweet Blog Award.  Which kinda sucks because the picture alone makes me hungry!

I give this award to Nan @ Nanny's Journey.  She has been so encouraging and sweet.  Kinda like my very own Nanny.  :)

 

5 sinful indulgences: 

1. I love to read.  The Kindle has to be, by far, the best Christmas present I have ever received.  I don't admit it, but I love teeny-bopper books and paranormal (vampires and such) romance books. 
2. Cheese and sour cream should be in its own nutritional pyramid.  I could eat the stuff by buckets.  
3. Baking or cooking.  My Mom taught me how to cook at a very young age and we have taken candy making and cookie decorating classes together.  Oatmeal cookies or cheesecake are probably my favorite things to bake.  
4. Other blogs.  I love reading other people's life stories.  I know I'm not alone in how I'm feeling or the struggles I face with weight loss. 
5. Reality tv.  'Nuff said!

 Call Me Ishmael @ On the Way to Onederland sent me the Stylish Blogger Award.  I am far from stylish, but I'll take it!  I'm supposed to list 7 things about myself and I think I've gone over and beyond on the above.  Sorry to be a party pooper. 

And finally, I give this to Farrah @ Less is More.  She is one of my newest blogs and I heart her. 

It isn't fair

I have not had a full time job in 3 years.  For 3 years I have gone on countless interviews, I have been to resume writing workshops, I have submitted my resume more than 3,000 times, I have spent HOURS searching ads, I have gone to several work force/temporary agencies for help (currently I'm active with 3 companies), and I have been turned down every single time. 

I have gone on a handful of interviews where I nailed it.  I said all the right things, the position was in my league, the interviewer was responsive, and I had all the qualifications they were looking for.  You always know when you spanked it or totally dropped the ball.  You just know. 

This last interview was one of those times where I did everything perfect!  I was confident when I walked in and I was confident walking out that I would be getting a call back.  Then the dreaded email arrived this morning explaining they "picked someone else for the position and would keep my resume on file". 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?  It isn't fair!  I'm tired of trying so damn hard!

Comparison pictures

Wow!  I have a long way to go, but these pictures are a huge motivator.  I'm so happy that I agreed to take pictures of my progress. 



Hate-Loss Challenege: Week 2

It's amazing how positive and powerful words can improve your attitude!  Yesterday I was scheduled for an interview at 1:30 and the butterflies were fluttering rapidly in my tummy.  I was beyond nervous.  As I put on my new (smaller) interview worthy outfit, I thought about the challenge.  I went to the mirror and stared at myself for.....a.....long.....time.  The words would not come out of my mouth.  Finally, I blurted out, "You can do this!  You are amazing!  You are smart!  This company would be stupid if they don't choose me.  Hold your head up.  Be confident.  You can do this!"  The more I looked at myself, the more I said those positive words to that reflection, the more I believed it.  The butterflies began to disperse and the confidence in myself began to grow. 

I walked into that office with my head held high, a smile on my face, and a determination that was so fierce it scared me.  Let me just say, I rocked that interview! 

Another NSV

You know that post about me wanting to buy a new dress for our first anniversary?  Today I went to look for more undies in a smaller size.  You know the 2 new pairs that I bought last week won't last long.  Hubby said I could go comando and he wouldn't mind.  That's a man for ya!

So, I saw this dress on the 60% off rack and when you see deals like that you can't pass it up.  I bought it even though it wasn't in my size.  I thought that I would hang this dress on the closet as a reminder of what I'm working towards.  When I got home I decided to try it on and assess the damage.  This is what I saw.....

(don't look at the socks lol)

A size 22 and it fit!?!  It is alittle tight in the chesticles, but it zipped all the way up!  I've gone from a size 28 to a (tight but zipped) size 22.  It feels more than just amazing!

Trash

Since I was a little girl I've been a closet eater.  I've never admitted it out loud, although I'm sure my family knew.  To the severity that it was I don't think they had a clue.  Growing up we ate fast food several days of the week.  Most of the time my parents and brother threw away portions of uneaten food.  When they weren't looking or when everyone was in bed, I would dig out the food and shove it into my mouth as fast as possible.  I knew at the time it was wrong, but there was this overwhelming urge to do it.  Afterwards I felt disgusting and would want to crawl under my bed.  "What is wrong with me?" would be a constant question in my mind.

I remember feeling so angry when they would clean out their ashtrays on top of that food.  It was overwhelming to know that I wouldn't be able to eat half of a perfectly good hamburger.  I would mourn the loss of that food.  I would still look through the bag to see if the food was in a wrapper and untouched by the ashes.  It was like a treasure when I found food that was edible.  And yes, I did eat it.

And as I write this, I'm in tears.  I freakin' ate trash!  TRASH!  Food that was in a trash bag waiting to be put out on the curb.  I am embarrassed to admit that I was (still am) so addicted to food that I would go through trash and eat it!  I haven't done this in years, so why now are these memories be resurfacing? 

The kids often throw away food from their plates and last night was no exception.  I thought, "Why are they throwing those potatoes away?  They are perfectly fine.  We could save them.  Someone could eat them later.  I could eat them when nobody is looking!"  Thankfully, I didn't scoop anything out of the trash and serve them later (so don't report me to CPS or anything). 

It's amazing that seeing food in the trash could bring on these memories and emotions.  Maybe these are the memories that I have to deal with.  To learn from.  Maybe these memories are holding back my own weight loss.  I have to accept who I was, learn from the past mistakes, and tell myself that I will be better than food.  Especially food that is in the trash!

Honey-Mustard Pork Chops

 

My review:  I am not a pork chop person, so I didn't have high hopes for this meal.  I was pleasantly surprised and it was finger lickin' good!  My kiddos even asked for seconds.  It was super easy to make, had minimal ingredients, and cheap.  That calls for a great dinner!  I will certainly be making these again. 

 

Honey-Mustard Pork Chops

Found in Jan/Feb 2011 Weight Watchers magazine

 

1/4 cup Dijon mustard
4 teaspoons honey
1 tsp apple-cider vinegar or white-wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
4 (5 oz) pork chops

1. To make marinade, whisk mustard, honey, vinegar, and pepper.
2. Transfer marinade to large ziplock bag; add pork.  Chill, turning bag occasionally, at least 4 hours or overnight.
3. Spray broiler rack with nonstick spray.  Preheat broiler.
4. Remove chops from bag; discard marinade.  Place chops on broiler rack and broil 5 inches from heat until browned and cooked through, about 6 minutes per side.

Per serving: (1 pork chop) 165 cal, 5g fat, 9g carb, 0g fiber, 19g protein
WW PointsPlus value = 4

 

***Instead of using a broiler pan, I cooked the pork chops in a skillet with the marinade.  I also used sugar free honey and regular vinegar.***