Trying to get back on track

Why is ok that we say horrible things about ourselves, but we complain when other people have a nasty comment of the same degree?  I've been beating myself up since Thanksgiving over the weight I gained and the amount of food I consumed.  Reading how my bloggy friends survived the holiday with portion control and even weight loss makes me feel like a failure.  I could have done better! 

I've been trying my best to stay on track with my food intake.  With Thanksgiving leftovers staring me in the face it was hard not to binge.  I finally threw out the extra desserts we took home.  Say good bye to the homemade cheesecake, the chocolate pecan pie, and the pudding with fudge cookies.  The kids were heart broken, but they don't need it either. 

Finally I feel like I have control of what I put in my mouth.  Now, it's time to work on the motivation to move this big ass of mine.  I don't use Spark People, but they had free videos on Youtube that were excellent!  Because really, who wants to spend $20 on a DVD that they are going to use 2 times?  I got in 20 minutes of resistance training and 15 minutes on my yoga ball; tomorrow will be cardio.  It's amazing how good I feel right now. 

Thanksgiving is in the past.  Today I'm choosing to look forward instead of dwelling on what I did 5 days ago.  I can't accomplish anything by beating myself up.  Think positive! I can do this!  (pep talk to myself)

Christmas pictures

It's that time of year for Christmas pictures.  Oh how I dread thee!  We decided to take pictures outside with our personal camera instead of going to a stuffy and overbooked studio, paying $300 for only 10 portraits, and dealing with stupid photographers who just want to get you in and out. 

When the kiddos were younger I always imagined that picture taking would get easier.  At this age you can tell them to sit where you want, point the camera, say cheese, and capture a cheeky smile.  What's so hard about that?  Well, obviously it isn't that easy for 3 little boys.   We screamed a lot to get away from the water, but I love how we were surrounded by nature and able to use natural lighting.



So, I subject you to our family pictures. 

 The boys that have my heart!

They get along (sometimes). 

I'm alittle biased....this is my favorite picture!

One group shot (of many) that will not make the Christmas card.

Yup, we got it going on.

And this is how we felt at the end of the day!

Hot 100 Update Week 9

No excuses, I failed in all of my goals this week.  I gained 1.2 pounds, I did not read at all this week to the kiddos, and I did not exercise one second.  I'm going to get back on the horse and get back into the swing of things.  I don't want to gain another pound back! 

I guess I'm paying for yesterday, as I have lived in the bathroom for most of the day.  Back to bed I go!

Do the Turkey Boogie

To get you in the Thanksgiving spirit, I give you my oldest doing the "turkey boogie".

Can you point him out? Why, yes! He is the one white boy on the top going the total opposite way with no rhythm. 

Testing one two three

With Thanksgiving around the corner I've been taking my favorite recipes and experimenting with low/no fat ingredients.  With my anxiety about all the food, I wanted to try my hardest to make it alittle less stressful.  My favorite dish is called 7-up Salad. 

Ok, it looks like baby vomit but I swear it is the best stuff around!  Growin up, my Mom would make her 7-up Salad for Thanksgiving and Christmas only and as an adult I never really understood why it was a holiday only thing.  Every year my brother and I look forward to this one dish more than the turkey or ham. 
It's the one requirement we have (along with deviled eggs) to make each holiday a success. 

The recipe is very easy - lime jello, a can of 7-up, pineapple, and cream cheese (pecans are optional but I'm not a nut type of person).  I made everything with sugar free or no fat ingredients with a hope and a prayer it would come out edible.  Let's be honest, it wasn't as good as the real stuff.  Now I'm frustrated and craving some REAL 7-up Salad with all it's sugar and fattening ingredients.  I'm doomed.

Big Pajamas and Shopping

Last night, hubby and I had a much needed date night.  No kiddos, adult conversations, steak dinner, and the Harry Potter movie.....it was heaven.  We got home in the wee hours of the morning and all I wanted to do was to climb into bed and get some much need beauty rest.  Probably not what he wanted to do, but we won't go there.  As I was going through my pajamas, I noticed a pair at the very bottom that haven't been worn in forever.  The last time I tried to wear them the top was too short and would show my very pronounced belly.  Not something you want to parade around in with 3 little kids who like to call you fat.  As I'm putting on the pants they are falling off and the shirt is swimming on me (my belly was completely covered).  I wore them anyways just because.  It's a nice change to have something baggy and not worry about it not fitting.

This morning as we are milling around the kitchen looking for breakfast, hubby comes up behind me to pull at my pants.  He says, "Oh shit, those things are huge on you.  I think it's time for some new clothes."  I've been thinking the same thing, but I've been hesitant.  I can't afford a new wardrobe everytime I lose 20 pounds.  I've tried getting things second hand or at Goodwill, but it's few and far between finding used big girl clothes.  Then what do you do with the really big clothes in the closet?  I'm freaking scared of throwing all of it away and then gaining weight back.  Sure, I tell myself that I will never be this big again but in the back of my mind I don't trust myself. 

Hot 100 Update Week #8

It's been an extremely busy week and I've been on an emotional roller coaster.  I've been running around non-stop, cleaning whatever I can get my hands on, and Christmas shopping thrown in for some fun.  Thanksgiving is stressing me out big time and I'm finding it hard to just let it go. 

Goal 1: Lose 20 pounds - My weigh in this morning showed 313.6 pounds which is a total of 3 pounds this week and 21.8 pounds lost in 10 weeks.  It's been 8 years since I've been under 315 pounds and I'm ecstatic.  If I keep up my average weight loss for the next 6 weeks, then I will be 300 pounds for the coming year.  How awesome would that be?

Goal 2:  Read more to the kiddos - It seems as though Christmas books are the favorite right now.  We have read everyday this week.  They are really enjoying the time we spend doing this.  I'm so glad that I made this a goal for myself.

Goal 3:  Exercise for at least 20 minutes for 4 days - So, I didn't exercise the conventional way this week.  For the past 5 days I have spent 2 hours per day cleaning our garage.  When I started on Monday there wasn't even a path to walk into the garage.  10 hours and 12 trash bags later, we have a semi cleaned garage!  Things are organized, tools are put in tool boxes, the dust is swept, and I can finally get into the deep freezer.  I call that success!  If the hubby trashes it up (as he normally does) then my mug shot will be plastered all over the nightly news for murder. 

Today is my niece's 4th birthday!  Happy Birthday Lorelai, I love you so much!