Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Once you go BIG you never go twig

Did anyone watch the premiere of Big Sexy on TLC last night?

I love the fact that these woman are comfortable with their size.  Their confidence amazes me, but in the back of my mind I wonder if it's all a facade.  Maybe it's the fact that I've never been comfortable in my own skin.  I've always felt disgusting and gross because that's how people saw me.  If I had a don't give a flying flip attitude maybe I would feel differently.

I also loved that they had a plus size fashion show.  Too many times I've seen super cute clothes and wish that I could squeeze the cheeks to fit into.  It's nice to see that big girls can also be fashionable and not have to wear Moo-Moo's or frumpy clothes out in public.

The BBW dating scene had me cringing.  #1 - all the guys in that room were not attractive.  They showed the 40 year old, bald, virgin, creepy guy at least 5 different times.  #2 - the thunder thigh competition made me want to hit the tv.  Am I the only one to see this as degrading? 

So, did you watch it?  What did you like or not like?  Any comments?

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

50 pounds lost

A picture says it all.  This is what 50 pounds lost looks like. 

Weight:  334.5 - 285.0
Size:  30 - 22
Chesticles:  6 inches lost
Waist:  7.5 inches lost
Thighs:  7 inches lost

Sunday, August 28, 2011

A binge free weekend

I can proudly say this is the first weekend in a very long time that I have not binged.  Friday night we went to a local Italian food joint to celebrate my mother-in-law's birthday.  Let's just say I did not pick my food choices wisely.  Instead of a salad with low-fat or no-fat dressing, I ate a full fledged Cesear salad with 1/2 a piece of bread.  My oldest and I shared a plate that consisted of lasagna, manicotti, and cannelloni.  I gave him 2/3 of everything and I had a couple of bites of each item (which even my hubby noticed and mentioned to the rest of the table).  By the end of the night I was at 1900 calories.  OUCH!

Saturday morning I woke up and decided not to give in to any temptations over the weekend.  Weekends are always the hardest because it seems we run non stop.  It's easier to eat out (which we still did) than to make lunch/dinner at home.  I kept my calories in check and resisted those damn donuts my husband bought!  See below for my food log.

Saturday:  1191 calories
Breakfast - egg white sandwich on wheat bread
Lunch - Chicken soft tacos
Dinner - I-Hop Simple and Fit Wheat Toast French Toast (I ate maybe half of my plate)

Sunday:  1315 calories
Breakfast:  Oatmeal (even though my husband woke me up with freshly baked donuts...GRRRR)
Snack:  Oiko's greek yogurt with simply fruit strawberry jelly
Lunch:  Sonic grilled chicken wrap
Dinner:  Baked potato (no skin) with light sour cream, light butter, pinch of cheese, and a squeeze of bbq sauce.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Update on Mom

Mom is home from the hospital!!!  Basically we don't know what happened because the doctor couldn't give us any answers.  We do know that she had fluid in her lungs and had pre-pneumonia.  That was the main reason why she was admitted.  She was given high doses of antibiotics on Monday afternoon and started to feel better almost immediately. 

Tuesday morning she ate breakfast and the pain returned.  The pain medicine did not help whatsoever and basically she screamed for 3 hours until the pain went away.  When the doctor came in later that night he said that her stats were good, no fever, and the fluid in her lungs looked better.  The spasms in her belly were a mystery.  Instead of running more tests, he put her on a solid diet and crossed his fingers.  I don't agree with not finding out WHY this was happening, but I don't have medical training.

After eating solid foods and without having any pain she was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon.  I'm very grateful for those who sent prayers, vibes, whatever our way.  I appreciate it!  I don't know what I would do if I lost my Mom and I would be lying if that didn't cross my mind.  It was the most disheartening feeling seeing her in so much pain and not being able to help.  Hopefully she will be back to her normal wacky self soon and being home is a step in the right direction!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

First day of school

The kids were excited to go back to school.  They are still at the age where school is fun so we don't have to deal with the grumpiness yet.  It's the days of recess, friends, computer time, coloring and crafts with some learning thrown in.  OK, so they really do A LOT of learning but they think it's still fun. 

Last week we attended the Open House and met the teachers.  It is always nice to be able to speak to them before school to explain your child's strengths, weaknesses, and what they are challenged with.  The kids don't have to go in blind and the teacher's already have an idea of their learning styles.

I can't believe my kiddos are in 3rd and 2nd grade!  And yes, I still tear up when we drop them off on their first day of school.  I'm a sap!  Below are some of the obligatory pictures we take on the first day of school.  Time has flown by. 

Look....I'm not standing BEHIND my kids.

My Oldest

My Youngest

Monday, August 22, 2011

My Mom

On Friday my Mom went into surgery for a "simple" and "routine" gallbladder removal.  I was on pins and needles all morning while waiting for the phone call from my Dad to say everything was fine.  When he finally called, I heard the panic in his voice.  She had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and they couldn't wake her up for a long period of time.  When she was moved out of recovery and Dad was able to see her she was screaming in pain.  He looks down and she is sitting in a pool of blood.  He is rushed out of the room as nurses flood in.  Later on we found out that a capillary didn't clot properly but they were able to correct the problem.  They sent her home that afternoon.

Saturday she was still in pain but managing with pain meds and lots of sleep.  Sunday I went to check on her and she seemed to be feeling better.  The pain was still there, but not as bad.  I thought things were going in the right direction.  Today my mom calls me to say she is going to the ER.  I took off work and went to sit with her and Dad.  After 3 doses of pain medication, she is screaming and moaning about the pain.  She feels as though her stomach is being ripped apart.  She underwent a CAT scan and an ultrasound in order to find the problem.  She was admitted back into the hospital. 

Of course we have no information on what's going on.  The doctors and nurses are being very tight lipped about everything.  I'm worried.  Please send your prayers, good vibes, healing mojo, whatever you believe in our way. 

Saturday, August 20, 2011

A weight update

I've struggled with the decision of blogging about my weight update.  Mostly because I feel as though I'm cheating.  While on my hiatus from bloggy world I was strictly on Weight Watchers.  For 14 weeks I gained and lost the same 5 pounds.  It was beyond frustrating!  I knew I had to do something different before I gave up completely and gained everything back.

The last straw was our weekly grocery store trip.  I stood in Walmart with fear and disappointment cruising through my veins.  Food was target #1 and Hubby was target #2 for my wrath.  He asked several times what was going on and I could never express what I was feeling.  I was pissed that I couldn't eat anything I wanted.  I would pick up a box, read the label, and basically throw it back on the shelf.  Then I would beat myself up for even wanting said item.  I was so focused on being "good" that ultimately I ended up not getting anything.  When we arrived back home, I cried quietly in the bathroom.  Why did it have to be so hard?

At that moment I decided to make the appointment with my fat doctor.  She monitors your food journal, weight, blood pressure, exercise, and your overall wellness.  All good things!  This is where the cheating comes to play; she also prescribes an appetite suppressant that is taken daily. 

After a couple of days taking the medicine I could tell a difference.  Food wasn't a priority anymore.  I could eat breakfast/lunch/dinner and not worry about what my next meal was going to be.  I didn't feel the constant urge to eat and if I ate one potato chip I didn't want or have to eat the entire bag.  I don't feel the need to finish my entire plate or sneak around the corner to eat another spoonful of dinner. 

Food is finally just food!

With that being said, I've lost a total of 53 pounds.  It may be considered cheating to some people (and at some level I agree), but I don't regret my decision.  I'm learning that my life doesn't have to revolve around food.  When it's time to stop taking the medicine, it's up to me to continue my healthy way of eating.  Right now it's about learning what that is and how to do it.

Is your spouse making you fat?

This article was highlighted on MSN yesterday; the title drew my eyes, made me curious, and I clicked it.  Let's be honest, I was trying to find proof that it's all my husband's fault on why I'm fat.  Who wants to take personal responsibility for that?  Who wants to admit that the only person to blame is themself?  It's much easier to blame someone else for a problem you have.  Whether it be your husband, your children, that darn pot luck dinner you must attend every month, the media, friends, the parents that never supported you, that pesky waiter who brought out the dessert tray after dinner, whatever. 

The last time I checked it was me who decided to eat the entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups....not my husband!  Why should my husband and children be forced not to buy Double Stuffed Oreos because I can't keep my grubby hands out of the bag?  At some point I have to take responisbility for my own actions and my own weight issues instead of blaming those I truly care about.  This is the part in my weight loss journey where I blame myself.  This is also the part that I'm not feeling sorry for myself but taking action!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

As The Fat World Turns

I don't want to be one of those bloggers.  You know the ones that I'm talking about. 

"I'm back!!!"
No posts in 3 weeks
"Look out....I'm back!"
No posts in 2 months
"OK, for real I'm back now"

You get the idea.  The reality is that I've missed blogging and all my bloggy friends.  I won't say "I'm back" (again), but I will say that I'm going to blog more often than not. That's about as much as I can commit to right now.  I also commit to reading more of your fabulous blogs.  Inspiration and motivation are happening all over and I'm missing it.  That's my loss!

Life has gotten in the way and I feel as though I'm in a soap opera at times.  As The Fat World Turns would be the current title (pretty appropriate in my opinion).  The munchkins are about to start school, work has been stressful, Hubby is being laid off, and I'm still on this crazy roller coaster of weight loss.
Expect some interesting posts in the next couple of weeks and expect that I will be visiting to say hello!  Hopefully I haven't lost all my bloggy friends, but understand if you have moved on.