Friday, October 29, 2010

Hot 100 Update #5

I've had one of those weeks where I just don't give a shit.  Sure, I've "tried" to stay on plan but my 20 trips to the kitchen to get fill in the blank as a snack didn't help.  If you put two and two together, that means that my goals went out the window too.

Goal #1 - Lose 20 Pounds - I weighed in this morning at 220.2.  That means I gained 0.4 pounds.  It could have been worse and after a 4.6 loss last week.  Even though I know I did horrible, I still wish I would have lost something! 

Goal #2 - Read more to the kiddos - This is one goal that I did without fail. 

Goal #3 - Exercise at least 3 days a week for 20 minutes - I did exercise for 3 days, but I know I could have done better. This week was mostly me sitting around instead of actually moving. My body is not thanking me for being so sedentary.

I hope everyone else was successful in their goals!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Dentist of Doom Update

I went to the dentist this morning with my youngest (who had 7 freaking cavities) so that we could both have work done to fix our pie holes.  I don't have 7 cavities, thank the heavens, but I do have a crack in a pre-existing filling and a couple of cavities in my very back teeth.  My youngest goes first and does amazingly well; at least I didn't hear any screaming going on.  The nurses all love him and he walks out with a surgical mask and rubber gloves. 

Now it's my turn and I really wasn't thinking of what was to come.  If my youngest can take it, I can too!  They shoot me up 4 times and immediately I have a full blown panic attack.  I turn white as a ghost, can't breathe, sweating like a whore in church, and crying uncontrollably.  The nurse put my chair up and handed me tissues while trying to talk me down.  I felt like an idiot! 

After I calmed down enough to where I wasn't snotty all over the dentist, I sat in the chair for 2 flipping hours with my mouth hanging open and tools of torture jabbing the crap out of my paralyzed face.  Now, I'm an emotional basket case.  I feel terrible!  My head is pounding and I feel as though I could cry all over the place.  All I really want is a grilled cheese sandwich, tomato soup, and ice cream; none of that low-fat bull shit either.  I just need to go to bed and forget this day ever happened.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Power Rangers vs. Kirby

My kiddos are always excited about dressing up for Halloween.  I miss the days of when I could choose the costumes of pumpkins and monkeys; instead they choose zombies and ninjas.  There certainly is no such thing as a cute zombie! 

Before we went costume shopping, we brain stormed on ideas. I like having some sort of clue of what we are looking for so we don't spend 3 hours in the store (it never works out but a girl could dream).  My oldest asked if I would dress up as the Pink Power Ranger and they could be the red and blue Power Rangers. I laughed until I almost peed on myself.

Seriously?!?  Could you see me rockin' this costume?  I think not!  If I found a costume even remotely big enough to fit, then it would look more like this.   

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all

We have dinner with my hubby's family every Friday night.  It's been a tradition for them since the beginning of time.  This past Friday the hubs had to work so I asked if they still wanted to have dinner with me and the kiddos.  We met at their house around 6 to discuss a place to chow down at.  The conversation started innocent enough, but then turned tragic. 

MIL:  How is Weight Watchers going?
Me:  Great so far!  It's pretty easy for me to stick to it.  I'm loving that nothing is truly off limits, but I just have to eat in moderation. 
MIL:  Well, how much weight have you lost so far?
Me:  I've lost a total of 15.6 pounds in 6 weeks.
MIL:  Oh.  I guess because you are so big that you have to really lose alot of weight before anyone can notice you lost anything.  How much has your mom lost?
Me:  Ummm, she has lost around 12 pounds. 
MIL:  The last time I saw her it looked like she had lost a bunch.  She is looking really good lately.

I didn't call her out on her total lack of support or how she hurt my feelings.  Instead I sat there in awe that she would really say that to my face.  It's like people think that because I'm fat they have the right to point out the "obvious".  What happened to the age old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?

Monday, October 25, 2010

7 things you didn't know about me

A huge thank you to Bob, Twix, and Jeanette for my very first blog awards.  I wish I would have written a speech for this occasion, but I was unprepared.  Part of receiving this award is that you have to tell seven things about yourself and pass the award on to 15 other blogs.  Lets get down to the juicy tidbits of my life.  I know you are dying to know!

  1. I love to read.  My parents bought me a Kindle for Christmas and it was the best present I've ever received.  I use it on a daily basis.
  2. I own almost every Disney movie you can imagine.  I started collecting them back in high school before the kids.  I dare you to play me on Disney Trivial Pursuit!
  3. In 2001 I had Vertical Banded Gastroplasty (a band that you can't inflate or deflate).  2 months ago I went into the hospital with severe stomach pains.  The band is now starting to erode through my stomach.  
  4. I tried to commit suicide in high school.  Sometimes I still wonder why I didn't die. 
  5. Pink is my favorite color.  Polka dots is my favorite pattern.
  6. I really want to have another baby (but if I have another boy I will commit myself to the state hospital). 
  7. My current hubby and I dated back in 2000.  He dumped me because he wanted to go drink at the bars and I wasn't old enough.  We found each other again when we were both going through divorces of our first marriages. 
I don't really know 15 blogs unless I went down the list of the Hot 100 challenge.  So, I'm going to change the rules a bit.  I can do that because I'm a woman!  So, now I pass the blogger awards to the following people.

  1. Bubba at 440 to 220
  2. Val at Festively Plump
  3. Cathy B at The X-Banded Files
  4. Whitney at Slimming Down for the Gown
  5. Trish at Trish is Getting Fit
  6. Mrs. Happy Pants
  7. Amy at Let's Not Play Games
  8. The Ninja at Cooking It Off!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

See you at the movies

I love the movies, but there are two things I truly dread.  First, a crowded theater.  People in my personal bubble freak me out!  I don't want to fight over the damn arm rest or figure out who gets to use the cup holder.  Second, the theater seats.  Maybe for "normal" people they are wide enough, but for these wide hips it is not in the least bit comfortable.  It is also embarrassing to have to put the arm rest up so my ass cheek can spill to the other seat.  I try to pull off that I'm saving the seat, but really who am I fooling?

This weekend my mom took the boys and me to see The Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole.  The movie has been out for almost a month now so I'm thinking we would have the theater to ourselves.  HA!  We had to search for 4 seats that would allow us to sit together.  Before sitting, I immediately put the arm rest up preparing myself for the spillage of the fatness. 

I pulled out my beach bag and handed out all the snacks to the kiddos.  Really, who can afford to buy candy and soda at the consession stand?  Anyways, that is a rant that shouldn't be started.  I see that my oldest doesn't have a cup holder for his juice.  There is no way this kid is going to be able to hold it through the whole movie without spilling it on himself (or me).  I reluctently put the arm rest down and amazingly I was able to fit!

After sitting there in amazement, I realized what an accomplishment this is.  I fit in my own theater seat with the arm rest down!  My ass cheek wasn't in the other seat, the arm rest wasn't hung up on my hips, I could sit comfortably like every other person in the theater.  I began to cry; thankfully the lights were low and we were high enough so it wasn't noticed. 

As I type this, I'm holding back tears.  It may not seem like much to someone who doesn't have a weight issue, but for me it is life changing!  These are the motivations that I need to keep going. 

Friday, October 22, 2010


Is it only me that has a weird fascination with Polygamy?  I watched Sister Wives on TLC every weekend;  it was like crack and I was buying it.  Let me clarify, I'm not interested or agree with the huge compound, child molestation, abusive polygamy.

My question is why do you see one man with 50 wives the majority of the time?  Why isn't it acceptable for one woman to have 50 husbands?  I asked the hubby if we could bring in another husband (for myself only).  He wasn't keen on the idea.

Pros of having multiple husbands in this family: 
#1 - The honey-do list could be divided.  The kids bathroom has been unfinished for over a year now.  If I had 10 husbands it would be done within one weekend!  The cabinets that are falling apart in the kitchen would be repaired. 
#2 - We wouldn't have 10 million kids running around the house like a "normal" polygamy relationship.
#3 - Chores could be split among husbands.  Dinner would be cooked by the time I get home.  Laundry would be folded and put in closets.  The house would be spic and span.  I wouldn't have to lift a finger.
#4 - I would have several men wanting ME and hanging on every word. 

Cons of having multiple wives in this family:
#1 - I'm a straight up jealous biotch!  Don't be looking at the hubs and certainly don't touch his junk.  I will cut you. 
#2 - Too many woman and there is bound to be a cat fight!  Wait, maybe add some mud and it would be entertainment?
#3 - Who wants to deal with 10 bitchy women?  I would think one man would go insane!
#4 - PMS......need I say more?

Hands down.....I win!

It's getting HOT in here - Update #4

What a beautiful morning!  I got the kids off to school with lunch money in hand and homework in their backpacks.  Now I'm sitting here watching CMT and singing at the top of my lungs.  Please excuse me being off pitch; the 8 years of choir in school didn't help much. 

I spanked my goals this week! 

1.  Lose 20 pounds - Weigh in was this morning and as always I was dreading my awful weekend bingefest.  Drum roll please......I lost 4.2 pounds.  Total lost 15.6 pounds! 

2.  Read more to the kiddos - We read almost everyday this week!  My oldest son needs some help trying not to sound like a robot.  I seriously want to fall asleep when he reads.  My youngest son cracks me up with the voices he uses when changing characters. 

3.  Exercise for at least 20 minutes 4 times a week - I'm pretty proud of myself on this goal.  I did 6 days this week and all of them were over 30 minutes.  There were days that I really had to push myself to get out of the house. 

How did you do?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Conclusion to my not so special moment

I just want to thank everyone who left words of encouragement on my last post.  It means more than you will ever know! 

I left alot out on my last post with no real conclusion; other than I was fat and isn't that obvious.  I was wrapped up in the moment and couldn't look past being called out by my son.  My oldest son told his brother that it wasn't nice to call Momma fat and that he should apologize.  The youngest apologized with a giggle (which still urked me).  I had a conversation with my youngest along the lines of "Just because I'm fat, does that mean I'm not worth your nice words.  Because I'm fat does that make me less of a person?"  He is only 6 and doesn't really understand the impact of mean words and certainly didn't really understand the message I was trying to deliver.

CathyB left a comment today that hit home.  How many times have I called myself fat in front of my kids?  Way too many to count!  When they were little I would say "tell momma she is a fat ass".  What the hell was I thinking?  All they've ever known is a fat, ugly, good for nothing, mean mom because that's what I say to myself on a daily basis.  This is a habit that I need to change and quick!  If I want the respect of my own kiddos, then I need to respect myself (which I've said sooooooo many times)!  Why is being nice to yourself harder than actually losing weight? 

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A not so special moment with my kiddos

Tonight I decided that I needed to spend some much needed alone time with my little hellions kiddos.  We put our dog, Nessa, on the leash and headed to the park across the street from the house.  They were given the option to walk around the track with me or to play.  Much to my surprise they both walked with Nessa in tow.  We were all talking and was one of those really great moments in time that you truly cherish. 

Nessa was foaming at the mouth at the physical activity (she could afford to lose some weight also) so we dropped her off at home and went back to the park to play before dinner.  I recently read Lyn's post about swinging and it inspired me to jump on.  It was a picture perfect moment; I was in the middle, my oldest on my right, and my youngest on my left.  We were chatting away when my youngest says, "Oh momma you are soooo fat.  Your big butt is hanging off the swing." 

Talk about crushed!  My youngest talked for 10 minutes about how big my gut and my ass were.  He got tired shortly after I stopped responding and went to play on the jungle gym.  As soon as he jumped off, I broke down.  I looked to my right to see this massive shadow of myself.  He's right.....his momma is fat. 

Wind in my hair

It's a beautiful day.  The weather is a cool 80 degrees and the humidity is actually bearable, which is uncommon in Texas.  The birds are chirping and you can hear kids playing.  I get the bright idea to get on a bicylce; something I haven't done since I was 13 years old.  I want to feel the wind in my hair and the carefree feeling of just riding. 

I throw my leg over the bar and sit on the seat.  One foot on the peddle and I tried like a mad woman to try and put my other leg up on the other peddle.  I'm rolling down the driveway trying not to panic.  The saying "you never forget how to ride a bike" is baloney!  For 5 minutes I tried to get the bike moving.  I was so tempted to just give up. 

Finally I was able to get my chunky leg up and start to peddle.  I peddled around the track and braked every second for the fear of falling.  I was moving at a snail's pace.  I didn't enjoy the wind whipping through my hair nor was I smiling.  Honestly, I was petrified!  This 300+ pound body would NOT look or feel good if I fell on the hard concrete!  I didn't enjoy my ass feeling as though someone had kicked me repeatedly.  In only 15 minutes I was gasping for breathe, covered in sweat, and legs felt like jello.  It felt like 3 hours, not 15 minutes! 

My next plan of action?  1.  Getting a new seat so my nether region doesn't scream at me anymore.  2.  Keep it up, even if it's only 15 minutes at a time.  Eventually, maybe I will enjoy the wind in my hair.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Food, food, and more food

This weekend we celebrated a first birthday for my cousin's little boy, Regan.  It seems like only moments ago that we were waiting impatiently for his birth.  I was lucky enough to see him being brought into the world and I will never forget the overwhelming emotion I felt when I saw his little face.  He is my little chunky monkey and I love him to pieces!

Regan learning how to walk

With our family, every great party involves ALOT of awesome food.  I offered to make a couple of side dishes that would be low-fat.  Mainly so I would also be able to enjoy some of the food items and not feel guilty as hell.  I prepared myself and took a good lunch that I would be able to eat later and I was drinking a ton of water (almost 14 glasses!).  Unfortunately all my plans fell through and I stuffed my face all day long! 

I woke up this morning feeling like total shit about myself.  How could I do that after all the hard work I've done?  How could I fall back into old habits and eat until I couldn't move?  Today I feel a big blob of mush and extremely lazy.  It's amazing how much food can alter your life, mood, and emotions.  Why is food such a big deal?  I once read "First it's food, then it's poop".  So what's the big deal?

Friday, October 15, 2010

The frumpy fat mom

I had many errands to run for the day, but my last stop was at a vendor we've been dealing with for my son's football team. When I walked in, the owner called me by a different name. I corrected her with a smile and she said, "Oh, you look so different today. You actually look really happy." I jokingly said, "Well, it's ok if you say that I usually look more frumpy." She reluctantly agreed.  Thankfully, the surprise didn't show on my face that she had the balls to agree with me. 

I admit it.  I could easily be described not only as "the fat mom" but as "the frumpy mom".  My wardrobe consists of t-shirts, shorts, no make up, wet hair that is usually in a messy bun.  Why dress up when I feel frumpy on the inside?  It takes me less than 10 minutes to throw something on and walk out the door.  I look long enough in the mirror to make sure there is nothing in my teeth or hanging out of my nose. 

Today is different though!  I feel good about myself (which is a rare occasion).  For the first time in ages I made an attempt to not be frumpy by dressing in something other than an oversized t-shirt, spending time on my make up, and actually using a blow dryer.  Amazingly, it felt good!  I felt good!  And because I feel good about myself, maybe just maybe it shows on the outside too!

Hot 100 - Update #3

I can't believe another week has gone by!  With all the activities we had planned this week it went in a blur.  Dentist appointments, sick kiddos, a school holiday, Chuck E Cheese with my cousin, football, or should I just call it the never ending cycle of life. 

Without further ado here is my Hot 100 update -

Goal 1 - Lose 20 pounds - Weigh in was this morning and I'm down 2.8 pounds!  WOO HOO!  This brings my total weight loss to 11.4 pounds. 

Goal 2 - Read more to my kiddos - If I could grade myself on this one goal it would be a C-. 

Goal 3 - Exercise 4 days a week for at least 20 minutes - I exercised 5 days this week with 4 of them being over 45 minutes.  I feel awesome!

How was your week?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Kicking and screaming

Tomorrow I am scheduled to go to the dentist and I'm having a hard time getting to sleep.  I hate the dentist and honestly I'm deathly afraid!  While waiting for my son to finish his dentist appointment a couple of weeks ago, I thought about the last time I went for a check-up.  Honestly, the last time I sat in that death trap of a chair was while I was pregnant 8 years ago.  8 freaking years ago!!! 

But doesn't this represent the cycle of my life?  I haven't taken care of my teeth, my body, my mind, my heart, my soul, my everything.  The factor that hit me the hardest was how can I be a role model to my kids about respecting their bodies if I don't even respect mine. 

I'm going to drag myself the dentist, even if I'm mentally kicking and screaming, but this is one major step that I'm taking in order to better care for myself.  Here's hoping the dentist is understanding about my lack of dental care and fear of his instruments of doom.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I'll get my Pretty Woman moment

Meet my cousin Amie.

My cousin is the total opposite of me; skinny, blond hair, blue eyed, beautiful, cheerleader, and popular with both men and women. I always joke with her that she received the good genes of the family.  It doesn't matter where we go together, she turns heads.

We went to a major chain clothing store that carried nothing over the size of extra small. Seriously, my one leg could fit in a pair of pants (and I doubt even that). There were probably 10 people working in said store and only one person made eye contact with me, asked if I needed help, and even offered a dressing room when I was carrying my cousin's clothes.  Surprisingly it was a male salesperson who would normally look the other way. The other salespeople would side step me and go directly to my cousin to ask if she needed anything. If I tried to make eye contact they would pretend to fold clothes.  If I asked for a different size or style they pretended not to hear me. 

It amazes me that people act like this to other human beings and all because I'm a fat chick who couldn't even think about wearing their name brand clothes (YET). One of these days I will go into this store and have my "Pretty Woman" moment.  I can't wait for the day!

Monday, October 11, 2010

It's all about me!

I am a self proclaimed people pleaser.  Friends, family, and strangers alike come before myself and that means that my feelings are normally compromised.  Why do I do this to myself?  Why is my self worth determined by the deeds I do for others?  Will I be less of a person by taking care of myself?

In life you rarely have AHA moments, but today it finally clicked.  Today I realized that I want to be selfish.  I want it to be all about me!  I'm tired of trying to please everyone else and putting myself on the back burner.  But am I worth it? 

Friday, October 8, 2010

Hot 100 Update #2

This week wasn't the greatest and honestly I'm ashamed to post my updates.  Oh well, here we go!

1.  Lose 20 pounds - If you read my weigh in post earlier this morning you know that I'm not really on track.  I'm not disappointed.  I'm looking at the bigger picture!

2.  Read more to the kiddos - I failed miserably at this goal.

3.  Buy "melt your face off" sexy undies - I'm going to bite the bullet and change this goal.  It isn't really keeping me accountable during the week.  I will keep it as a long term goal for myself.

4.  New goal Exercise 4 days a week for at least 20 minutes - I did 5 days this week!  Woo Hoo!

I'm not surprised

I was not surprised this morning when I jumped on the scale.  I knew that I was going to gain.  I wasn't on top of my game the entire week and it showed.  BUT, I'm going to think positive!  
  • I've lost 8.6 pounds in 4 weeks
  • This week I have exercised for at least 20 minutes on 5 days
  • I have lost 1.5 inches off my arms, 2.25 inches off my hips, 3.8 inches off my bust and waist, and 2 inches off my thighs
You can't tell me that isn't something to celebrate!  I'm going into this new week with my head held high and a determination to get back in the saddle. 

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Artsy Fartsy

This week has been a struggle.  I've had a migraine for the past 2 days and in general I just don't feel the greatest.  Instead of turning to food for comfort, I've been concentrating on my hobbies.  Keeping my hands busy is probably the best thing I can do especially after the bingefest weekend I just had. 

Most of my friends call me "artsy fartsy" instead of plain ole "crafty".  Crafty is just boring, right?  Here are just some examples of what these fat hands can do! 

Diaper Cakes
(made from diapers not an edible cake)

Nursery Letters

Little Girl Bow Holder

Wipe Cases

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Girls Weekend

One of my best friends, Holly, and I decided to drive to San Antonio for a Girls Weekend.  No kids, no hubbys, no drama, no worries, and all the food and drinks we could consume.  I tried really hard to be good, I really did.  But I admit complete failure.  This week I am going to try my best to work off what I stuffed into my pie hole.  Hopefully, the numbers on the scale will be good to me. 

I try to avoid the camera like the plague but Holly loves to take pictures of EVERYTHING!  I had to look at the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I'm proud of losing 9.2 pounds in 3 weeks.  I can tell a difference in my clothes, my face, and how I feel.  I realize that I still have a long way to go and instead of being sad or disappointed....I'm embracing it.  Next month I know I will look different than today so today I'm embracing change!

Friday, October 1, 2010

I'm feeling HOT HOT HOT - Update

The first week of the Hot 100 Challenge and I feel awesome!  

Goal 1 - Lose 20 pounds.  My weigh in this morning showed some great numbers.  I'm 1.8 pounds lighter than last week and 9.2 pounds lighter than 3 weeks ago.  Slow and steady wins the race!  The 20 pound goal that I've set for myself is totally obtainable and I can't wait! 

Goal 2 - Read more to my kiddos.  This is proving harder than I thought.  Football takes up 5 days out of the week, homework, cooking, cleaning, laundry, LIFE.  I do have to say that we read more than usual though.  It's still not where I would like to be, but I have no doubt that eventually we will get there. 

Goal 3 - Buy "melt your face off" sexy undies.  Still not there.  I'm thinking that this will happen in Decemeber and probably the last day of the challenge. 

Honestly, I'm thinking about adding one more goal that will make me more accountable.  I know what I need to do but I'm dragging my feet about actually admitting to myself that the 3rd goal should be about exercise.  I will think about it and hopefully be able to own up to it soon!