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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all

We have dinner with my hubby's family every Friday night.  It's been a tradition for them since the beginning of time.  This past Friday the hubs had to work so I asked if they still wanted to have dinner with me and the kiddos.  We met at their house around 6 to discuss a place to chow down at.  The conversation started innocent enough, but then turned tragic. 

MIL:  How is Weight Watchers going?
Me:  Great so far!  It's pretty easy for me to stick to it.  I'm loving that nothing is truly off limits, but I just have to eat in moderation. 
MIL:  Well, how much weight have you lost so far?
Me:  I've lost a total of 15.6 pounds in 6 weeks.
MIL:  Oh.  I guess because you are so big that you have to really lose alot of weight before anyone can notice you lost anything.  How much has your mom lost?
Me:  Ummm, she has lost around 12 pounds. 
MIL:  The last time I saw her it looked like she had lost a bunch.  She is looking really good lately.

I didn't call her out on her total lack of support or how she hurt my feelings.  Instead I sat there in awe that she would really say that to my face.  It's like people think that because I'm fat they have the right to point out the "obvious".  What happened to the age old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?

13 comments:

Jayne Doe said...

That's shitty of your MIL to say that to you. Maybe she's passively-aggressively digging at you because you have her lil boy as your hubby?

Of course I'm very new to your blog so that's just a guess.

NAN said...

OOh sorry! I know you can't disrespect the inlaws but once my own daughter set me straight. I can't remember what we were discussing but she said to me, "Mom, are you trying to hurt my feelings because you are doing a good job of it" Oh my, that was far from my intent but I must have been critical. I really watch it now and support her! If someone has never struggled with weight, they often think it's JUST EAT LESS or PUSH YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE TABLE!!!! PS Thanks for commenting on my blog.

Lanie Painie said...

those days are long gone. People are MEAN. If you don't stand up to her and point it out when she's hurtful, she'll continue. She may continue, but at least you'll have had your say.

Sorry she's so inconsiderate! :(

Thrice Blessed said...

I've gotten similar comments from my MIL, and even worse stuff!!! I think they think the position of MIL gives them the right to criticize all they want.

Slimming Down for the Gown said...

Ouch! I can't believe the things that people will say! Has she said insensitive stuff like that before, or do you think she just didn't hear herself?

PS - Thanks for the award!

CathyB said...

What IS it with people? Geez. 15.6 lb!!! You ROCK!

fatgirlwearingthin said...

Just found your blog, and love it so far! Can very well relate to your post, too. This must be the week when all of the insensitive people in the world had their meeting. LOL
Some people are just absolutely clueless about how they are perceived by others. Make no mistake that what was said is about them and not you. They cannot take away the 15+ pounds you've lost, the strength you've gained, and the self esteem you carry for having done all that work. Hugs to you, and keep up the good work! Looking forward to reading more!

Julie said...

I think I would have reached across the table and slapped her (at least that's what I would have liked to have done!). Don't let her steal your thunder...you're doing great!

1girl1dress1year said...

Ouch! I'm sorry your MiL is so unsupportive!

Mine has been great so far, but we don't see her often because they live a few hours away.

Call Me Ishmael said...

Ouch! What a horrid thing to say. I've also run into the (allegedly) well-meaning relative who has nothing supportive to say. I wish I had the answer to them; I don't. All i can say is dismiss her and her comments, and remember what it felt like the day you fit easily into your theater seat with your kids. Priceless. You are doing great and just focus on that.

The Ninja said...

I have had folks I'm not related to tell me I'm fat. A guy in My Mom's office once told me I, "looked like I could miss a meal or two" People can be rude. I would let her know that she hurt your feelings, she should own up to being rotten and not just get let off the hook.

Shannie (akaSolidice242) said...

My Mouth drop at what she said to you. She reminds me of my boyfriend's mother, she once said to me "are you that lazy that you don't want to cook and wash for my son" She said this after I told her that my boyfriend and I normally cook and do the laundry together. Once I told her that I don't like to wear stripe ( she said she saw a stripe shirt she was thinking about buying for me) and she said " I can see why you don't wear stripe because it would probably make you look bigger than you already are" Really? I am civil with her but I don't know what it is about mother in laws but they are evil.

A woman in transition... said...

What a crappy thing for her to say! :( Either she's being spiteful because she's jealous or she's just a naturally mean person. Either way, ignore her. 15 lbs is a terrific loss, no matter what grouchy folks might say.

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