I've struggled with the decision of blogging about my weight update. Mostly because I feel as though I'm cheating. While on my hiatus from bloggy world I was strictly on Weight Watchers. For 14 weeks I gained and lost the same 5 pounds. It was beyond frustrating! I knew I had to do something different before I gave up completely and gained everything back.
The last straw was our weekly grocery store trip. I stood in Walmart with fear and disappointment cruising through my veins. Food was target #1 and Hubby was target #2 for my wrath. He asked several times what was going on and I could never express what I was feeling. I was pissed that I couldn't eat anything I wanted. I would pick up a box, read the label, and basically throw it back on the shelf. Then I would beat myself up for even wanting said item. I was so focused on being "good" that ultimately I ended up not getting anything. When we arrived back home, I cried quietly in the bathroom. Why did it have to be so hard?
At that moment I decided to make the appointment with my fat doctor. She monitors your food journal, weight, blood pressure, exercise, and your overall wellness. All good things! This is where the cheating comes to play; she also prescribes an appetite suppressant that is taken daily.
After a couple of days taking the medicine I could tell a difference. Food wasn't a priority anymore. I could eat breakfast/lunch/dinner and not worry about what my next meal was going to be. I didn't feel the constant urge to eat and if I ate one potato chip I didn't want or have to eat the entire bag. I don't feel the need to finish my entire plate or sneak around the corner to eat another spoonful of dinner.
Food is finally just food!
With that being said, I've lost a total of 53 pounds. It may be considered cheating to some people (and at some level I agree), but I don't regret my decision. I'm learning that my life doesn't have to revolve around food. When it's time to stop taking the medicine, it's up to me to continue my healthy way of eating. Right now it's about learning what that is and how to do it.