Postcards from the past

2 years ago I created this post card for Post Secret.  2 years later I'm still sabatoging my own weight loss.  Very very sad.

Will the feelings go away if I eat a gallon of ice cream?

We are one of many families in America feeling the stress of the economy.  I've been unemployed for several months, and consistently looking for a job.  We are a 5 person family and barely staying afloat.  Honestly, there are some months that I don't know how we are going to make it (but somehow we do). 

2 weeks ago I went on an interview where I rocked it!  The manager was impressed with my resume, and said that I had all the qualifications that they were looking for.  I walked out of there confident that they would call me back with a job offer.  Today I received the call and what was pure confidence in myself a week ago has turned into pure depression within seconds of hearing they hired someone else for the position.  I am heartbroken. 

What I really want to do is go into the kitchen and stuff my face, but in the end what will it solve?  Will the manager call me back and change his mind?  Will a job just happen to fall in my lap?  Will the struggles our family have endured magically disappear?  Will the feelings go away by eating a gallon of ice cream? 

Instead of raiding my kitchen for a bingefest, I'm making a conscience effort to do something else.  At this moment, I'm choosing not to turn to food for comfort.  I'm choosing to look at the end result of my weight loss goal.....no matter how hard it is.

The Hot 100

I've seen the Hot 100 on several blogs and decided to check it out. I'm one of those chicks who sits on the side and watches life pass me by; I never take chances. Well, I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and joining the challenge.

What is the Hot 100? The Hot 100 is a challenge focused on the last 100 days of 2010. September 23, 2010 starts the clock. From that day forward there are exactly 100 days left in 2010. One hundred days to make this your year. One hundred days to achieve your goals. One hundred days, each and every one of which can be a great day!

This past week, goals have been a major thought mostly geared to weight loss. Following are 3 goals I dedicate for the Hot 100!

1. Lose 20 pounds! Wow, do you think this can be done with Halloween, Thanksgiving, AND Christmas all around the corner?
2. Read more to my kids. I love to read, but it seems as though I don't do it enough with them. I want them to understand the importance of reading and the joy of being transported into another world.
3. Buy sexy underwear! Ok, that might be alittle TMI and I won't go into detail. But, yeah I want to buy sexy underwear just for me.

Edit:  Ok, someone asked about the underwear goal saying that it didn't seem like much of a challenge.  I want to have the confidence to buy it.  I want to know what's under my pants is melt your face off sexy!  Maybe it will give me alittle skip in my step and put a bigger smile on my face.  Maybe with a couple more pounds to lose, I will find the courage up to buy some.

Weigh In Friday

Yesterday was one of those days. I stayed within my Points, but ate all day long. Emotions were heavy and food was my comfort. For about 10 minutes it felt wonderful and then I would come down from the food high and feel miserable. It came to a point where I just wanted to go to bed so that food wasn't in my hand, in my mouth, or on my brain. I knew if I kept it up that all the work I did this week would go down the drain.


This morning I woke up with a sense of doom. My dreams consisted of a scale, an extremely high number, and me breaking the stupid thing with a baseball bat. I turned into this 500 pound monster who wanted to rid the world of those awful inventions that make woman cry and obsess. I laid in bed for 15 minutes hoping to have some sort of loss, even if it's only 0.8 pounds.

I walk into the kitchen, reluctantly step on the scale, closed my eyes, and said a prayer to anyone that was listening. When I finally had to courage to look, I almost fainted. Down 6.6 pounds! I know I didn't lose 6.6 pounds in one week; I really believe some of that weight was truly lost the first week. I'm ecstatic!
In 2 weeks I've lost 7.4 pounds, one inch off my hips and thighs, and 3 inches off my waist. If that isn't motivation.....I don't know what is!

Goals I've Set - Part 1

After my recent post about setting goals, I decided to write a list of things that I hope to accomplish with losing weight. Maybe it should be considered more like a bucket list.



1.Be able to run with my kids - My youngest son, Jacob, asked me to race with him the other day. I ran maybe 30 seconds and stopped. In just that short amount of time, I was panting and sore. So sad!

2.Walk into any store and buy clothing - I don't want to be required to shop at the fat lady store anymore. I want to go to the mall, go into any store, and be able to find something that fits.

3.Go sky diving - There is a weight limit for tandem sky diving. This is probably something that will happen towards the end of my weight loss journey.

4.Be able to really look at myself in a mirror - Do you find that you only look at yourself from the chest up? Forget a full length mirror. And forget REALLY looking at yourself. You look in it long enough to make sure your hair is ok and there is no spinach in your teeth.

5.Take my kids to more sporting events - My butt/thighs are so wide that those little chairs are not comfortable. I have a miserable time because I feel that people are laughing at the fat mom who can't fit in the seat. Therefore we just don't go to spare myself the humiliation.

Goals

Most of my close friends and family know that I'm on WW again. They always ask how much weight I want to lose and my answer is, "I want to be healthy and in order to do that I need to lose 175 pounds." After they pick their jaw up off the floor (or stop laughing as my husband did) they respond with, "Don't you think you should have a smaller goal in mind?"

I usually keep my mouth shut and tell them that they have a valid point, but inside I want to go off on them. Sure, I have smaller goals and I know that 175 pounds isn't going to magically disappear (as much as I really wish it would). In the end, I have to look at the big picture. I can't tell myself that I need to lose only 20 pounds because when 20 pounds comes around I'm going to stop trying.

This week my mission is to set goals for myself; big and small. Goals that will motivate me to lose this weight! Things that I've been dying to do, but have made excuses for not doing them. I'm curious what others have set as a goal. What motivates you to lose weight? What are you looking forward to do?

Scale Hopper

I've been known as a scale hopper. Meaning if there is a scale and I'm on a diet then I'm going to jump on it. It could be once a week, once a day, several times a day, or even several times in an hour. When I started WW over a week ago, I promised myself that I would consciencely try to stop that habit.

Curiousity got the better of me though and I jumped on the scale Friday with almost a 3 pound weight loss. I was over the moon happy; I even did a little booty shake in my kitchen as the kids watched. I emailed my Mom, who is my personal cheerleader, and told her the good news. Within minutes she emailed back with a "Congrats. I'm so proud of you" email.

Last night we went to my cousin's house to play games, drink, and socialize. All day long I made an effort to keep track of my points for the little extras that would come up. For example, the beer, the handful of popcorn, and even the cheeseburger I ate on the way home. I was excited that I didn't go overboard and even happened to stay within my daily Points.

This morning was weigh in and I was excited. I jumped on the scale getting ready to do another booty shake and realize the 3 pounds that were there just 2 days ago turned into a 0.8 loss. SERIOUSLY?!? I went from excited to bummed in 5 seconds and immediately thought about what I could stuff in my mouth. I'll show you 0.8 pounds!

We ate lunch and I had 2 sandwiches with real mayo and a side of cream corn. I'll show you 0.8 pounds! We ate dinner and I had 6 fried crab puffs, dumplings, and a salad with regular dressing. I'll show you 0.8 pounds! But at the end of the day, I feel more miserable with myself than when I jumped on the scale this morning. I realize now (alittle too late) that even a 0.8 weight loss is STILL A LOSS! Maybe one of these days I will learn. Maybe?

The beginning of a new road

Weight has always been an issue for me and I thought as an adult it wouldn't affect me as much as when I was younger. I thought labels and comments would stop and acceptance would follow. I thought adults would look past the weight and accept you for who you were. I thought magically my self-esteem would rise and the harsh looks and sneers would not faze me. Sadly, I was mistaken.

Every new journey in life starts because something significant in their life prompted a change. For me it was being labeled as the "fat mom" of my son's football team. This week I made a goal for myself; I want to lose 175 pounds by my 30th birthday. After the next 629 days, I hope I'm labeled as the "nice mom", the "friendly mom", or even the "creative mom". No longer do I want to be known as the fat mom!

Today is the first day of my new life.