Last night, hubby and I had a much needed date night. No kiddos, adult conversations, steak dinner, and the Harry Potter movie.....it was heaven. We got home in the wee hours of the morning and all I wanted to do was to climb into bed and get some much need beauty rest. Probably not what he wanted to do, but we won't go there. As I was going through my pajamas, I noticed a pair at the very bottom that haven't been worn in forever. The last time I tried to wear them the top was too short and would show my very pronounced belly. Not something you want to parade around in with 3 little kids who like to call you fat. As I'm putting on the pants they are falling off and the shirt is swimming on me (my belly was completely covered). I wore them anyways just because. It's a nice change to have something baggy and not worry about it not fitting.
This morning as we are milling around the kitchen looking for breakfast, hubby comes up behind me to pull at my pants. He says, "Oh shit, those things are huge on you. I think it's time for some new clothes." I've been thinking the same thing, but I've been hesitant. I can't afford a new wardrobe everytime I lose 20 pounds. I've tried getting things second hand or at Goodwill, but it's few and far between finding used big girl clothes. Then what do you do with the really big clothes in the closet? I'm freaking scared of throwing all of it away and then gaining weight back. Sure, I tell myself that I will never be this big again but in the back of my mind I don't trust myself.