Hot 100 - The Final Episode

When I started this challenge 100 days ago I thought that things wouldn't change much.  I mean what can you truly accomplish in 100 days?  Setting goals is so easy, but can you really see results in such a short amount of time?  In 100 days, I feel like I've accomplished alot.  Sure, I didn't reach my 30 pound goal (I did reach my first goal of 20 pounds) and I didn't exercise like I truly wanted to, but I'm not disappointed in myself.  It just makes me want to set new goals for the next 100 days.

The best part of this challenge was spending more time with my kids while reading.  They really enjoyed that one on one time and I looked forward to it every day.  I'm going to make a conscience effort to keep it up.  We will ALL benefit from it, so why not?

Here is my last update.  I wish I could have gone out with a bang, but sadly I can't report good news.

Goal 1 - Lose 30 pounds - I gained again this week.  Being sick, doped up on antibiotics, and Christmas goodies were not helping.  In 100 days I've lost 26 pounds. 

Goal 2 - Read more to the kiddos - They were only home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  We read once. 

Goal 3 - Exercise - Feeling like ass for the past 2 weeks has pretty much halted all exercise.  Yesterday I finally got out on my new bike and did some dancing on the Kinect.  This is something in my life that I really need to focus more on!

Thank you Steve for hosting this challenege! 

Turning into rags

I've noticed lately that my clothes are fitting very differently.  Baggy and unflattering would be appropriate words to describe them.  Sure, it's awesome to see the difference.  It's a very powerful feeling to know that I'm changing my life and that it's visible.  Just months before I felt very self-conscience about my clothes being too tight; my fat rolls over flowing or splitting my pants were some major issues.  Now, I am self-conscience that I look like a bum.  I mean these clothes flatter NOTHING!

The crotch on my jeans are almost to my knees.

My backside looks like I've taken a dump in my pants.

And the hem of my pants are ruined because I'm stepping all over the bottom of them.

*This is due to my butt and gut decreasing in girth*

I know I look a mess, but I didn't realize until today how bad it truly was. 

Sleep

I'm having a hard time sleeping and it's really starting to affect me emotionally, physically, and mentally.  You would think that with all this sickness in my body that sleep would come naturally.  Monday night I slept for a good 2 hours.  At one point I was tired of just laying there and started cleaning the house in hopes that the exertion would help.  All it accomplished was a clean house. 

Last night I took Melatonin, a natural sleep aid that was recommended from a friend.  I was able to sleep, but it was riddled with tossing and turning.  Today I'm feeling cranky and just worn out (being sick doesn't help).  When I feel like this, it's hard not to turn to food; especially when you are awake for 22 hours. 

Any advice would really help!!!

12 Days of Christmas Swap

Margene was an awesome swap partner and I truly hope that we will remain friends after this experience.  I feel bad that I didn't update daily, but I hope she gives me a pass.  Can I give you a doctor's note? 

So, here is what I received from my new friend.  (In no particular order since I ended up not opening them on the correct day anyways.  Call me slow, whatever).  By the way, I love polka dots and she certainly gave in to my fetish.  Thank you! 

1.  Merry Christmas block set

2.  An awesome apron

3.  Pumpkin spice candle - that makes me hungry!

4.  Pink spoon with cookie cutters

(we used the cookie cutters to make Santa cookies)

5.  A hodge podge of goodies - love the pink soft ball!

6.  Yardley bath products that smell oh so good!

7.  A polka dotted bag with goodies

8.  Journal/book with pens

9.  Another polka dotted bag with goodies

(I love all the goodies)

10.  Polka dotted water bottle with Crystal Light

11.  Polka dotted Christmas socks

(that I proudly wore on Christmas Eve)

12.  Nativity figurines with ornament (not pictured)

The doctor is in

I finally broke down and went to the doctor.  It's been 10 days of torture and me trying to self medicate with over the counter meds.  10 days of a sore throat, coughing, sneezing, peeing in my pants (thank you children), fevers, bloody noses, dizzy spells, clogged ears, or you can just describe it as HELL!  I sucked it up and put on my happy pants the entire Christmas holiday. 

At 8 o'clock I called and made an appointment for 10 o'clock.  When I got to the office (5 minutes before 10) the office manager told me that 5 walk-ins were in front of me.  Let's just say I had a minor melt down and said that they would not be going in front of me unless they had a serious medical emergency, something protruding from their body, or dying.  What was the point of making an appointment?  If that's the case, then I will wait outside the office tomorrow morning before the doors opened so that I would be seen first.  They didn't like my response and I didn't make any friends in the waiting room. 

After waiting for 2 hours (yes, 2 hours!) the doctor told me I had a severe sinus infection and bronchitis.  He was very happy that I did not wait any longer because my chest sounded very rattle-y and on the verge of pneumonia.  He asked if I wanted a shot in my hip or if I just wanted antibiotics.  I pulled down my pants and said, "Give it to me". 

Two shots later I was off to fill my antibiotic.  Of course, my normal pharmacy did not have the medicine and I had to go to the second pharmacy down the road.  I'm starving, my ass hurts, and the medicine will take another 2 hours to fill.  What a great day!!!

I spent 10 days taking care of my family and making sure they had a memorable Christmas while I was sick as a dog.  And it was totally worth seeing my boys faces when we made Christmas cookies, decorated them, went to the various grandparents houses, and opened 100's of presents.  My mission is accomplished and now I'm focusing on me.  I totally am going to veg in front of the tv, drink some hot wassel, being doped up with some awesome antibiotics, and work on getting better. 

Hot 100 Update - Week 13

I'm still sick and feel like hammered dog shit.  I'm updating only because I have to (not because I want to).  These next two days are going to be miserable, but I've got a plan!  Fake it till I make it.

Goal 1 - Lose 30 pounds - Don't know what happened this week since I haven't eaten anything this week.  Maybe it's the 50 million Halls cough drops that I've consumed.  Weighed in this morning at 308.2, which is a 0.8 gain.  Whatever.  I just don't even care.

Goal 2 - Read more to the kiddos - They have been gone all week so I can be sick in peace. 

Goal 3 - Exercise - Ummm, I've been on my death bed.  If you count going from the bed to the bathroom and back to bed is exercise then I rocked it.

A truck ran over me

I'm sick the week before freakin' Christmas!!!  I feel like a truck has run over me.  My throat is so swollen that I can hardly swallow, my nose is running like a faucet, and I've got a fever.  This blows!  I'm doped out on over the counter meds (which aren't helping in the least), not sleeping worth a damn, and I'm cranky.  My diet has been non-existant because I'm not really eating anything and let's not even talk about exercise. 

Did I mention that this blows?!?

Hot 100 Update - down to the wire!

This week has been stressful, very emotional, and super busy.  In other words it was a horrible week for food.  H.O.R.R.I.B.L.E.  The boys all leave today to go with "The Others" (meaning their other parent) so I've been trying to spend as much time with them as possible. 

Goal #1 - Lose 30 pounds - Well, I gained 1.8 pounds this week and weighed in at 307.4.  I could sit around and wallow in my sorrows, but I refuse to do that.  In the big scheme of things, I've still lost 28 pounds.  That's no number to laugh it!

Goal #2 - Read more to the kiddos - We only got in 3 days with all the activities we've been doing this week. 

Goal #3 - Exercise at least 4 days for 20 minutes - I've fallen off the wagon for the past couple of weeks with this goal.  I'm proud to say that I've kicked my butt into high gear and have exercised 4 days for at least 35 minutes. 

________________________________________________________

On the 5th day of Christmas Margene gave to me - cookie cutters and a pink spoon.  The pink spoon is my favorite thing and I'm considering asking hubby if we can change all our utensils to pink.  I don't think he will approve, but I would be in heaven! 

On the 2nd and 3rd day of Christmas

I think Margene has become my new best friend.  On the second day of Christmas Margene gave to me, a pumpkin spice scented candle.  Can I tell you how good this candle smells?  Not to mention it looks like an actual pie (which kinda makes me hungry).

On the third day of Christmas Margene gave to me a nifty new apron.  Just yesterday I thought about putting "cute apron" on my list to hubby.  I don't think hubby would have gotten such a cute apron, so I'm glad I didn't have to act surprised on Christmas morning when I opened a plain one. 

Please overlook the 6 year old finger at the top, my messy hair,

and no make up.  Just look at the apron.  Man, I can't

believe I'm even posting this. 

A brown paper bag

This little bag has been taunting me since Friday.  A brown paper bag seems innocent enough, right?  It's plain but is also cheerful with it's "Happy Holidays" greeting.  Let me just say, looks can be deceiving!  Every time I walk into the kitchen it nicely calls me over and says, "Fat Mom, please pick me up.  Just open me and I will make you feel so much better."  I then scream a slur of obscenities and storm off. 

This morning I opened the bag.  I finally gave in to the small voice telling me it was ok. 

After opening it.....I split the candy into the kiddos lunch boxes and sent them off to school.  Whose my bitch now brown paper bag!

1st day of Christmas

Today is the first day of Christmas folks!  And if you didn't sign up for the 12 Days of Christmas gift swap, then you are missing out on some great fun.  I was paired up with Margene over at Believing It's Possible.  She and I have become fast friends and she is truly an inspiration in weight loss. 

My biggest problem with this gift swap is that I want to open every single gift now.  I'm not a patient person, especially when gifts are involved.  Let's not mention the kids trying to sneak into the box.  They went nuts with envy and do not find it fair that I get to open gifts before Christmas morning.  Ahhhh, I love being an adult!

So, the first present I opened was a block set with Merry Christmas painted on it.  I love it!  Now, the decision is where it goes. 

On the shelf with all the DVD's

Or on the bar with some of the other Christmas decorations?

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been a really good girl this year.  Really, I have!  Please disregard all the cookies and candy I've eaten in secret.  I'm working on it.  This year I'm not asking for much. 

I would really like to see some fat mom work out clothes under the tree this year.  I know it will take a 1,000 elves to sew up all that fabric, but I really do need them.  The jeans I've been wearing to walk the neighborhood are chaffing my unmentionables and it really is quite uncomforable.  

Some underwear would be quite nice too.  The ones I've been sporting are more like baggy shorts.  My butt is A-mazing, and I need some undies to appeciate that. 

A couple of pairs of jeans that actually fit is also much needed.  I know some people like their jeans to hang to their knees, but I like my crotch high and tight. 

That's it Santa!  And before you head on over I am warning you in advance.  I refuse to make you any cookies because you know what a temptation it is for me.  So, you will have to deal with yogurt and carrots.  Sorry! 

The best girl around town,

The Fat Mom

Gingerbread houses

One of the few traditions I have with the kiddos is to decorate gingerbread houses before Christmas.  Tonight was the perfect night since the kids will be leaving on Friday to go with the other parents for the holidays.  I felt the oldest was ready to assemble his own house all by himself.  So, he sat next to me and we walked through step by step how to apply the icing. 

After all the houses were built, I walked away.  This is their time to have fun, use their imagination, and decorate each house by themselves.  They spent an hour eating the candy decorating each house and were proud of the end result.  I was proud of my little boogers and they did an amazing job!  And Momma did an amazing job staying away from all that icing and candy!!!!

Stepson with his snowy gingerbread house

Youngest with his explosion of candy

Oldest with "lights" on the roof

Beyond words

Have you ever wanted to just tell someone in your family (a very close family member) that you wanted absolutely nothing to do with them anymore?  Today I was tempted.  Very tempted!  But of course I thought about how it would effect our family and kept my mouth shut.  I didn't want to say something that I couldn't take back and regret.  I should feel accomplished by that statement, but that's not the case.

How many times do you allow someone to hurt you before you say enough is enough?  How many times do you give in, even though you know you shouldn't?  How many times can you forgive a person for doing the same shit over and over and over again? 

I let this person tell me what a horrible mother I am to my children (and believe it).  I let this person tell me that I'm worthless to society and have nothing to offer (and believe it).  I let this person tell me what a fat, lazy, good for nothing person I am (and believe it).  I let this person degrade me to a point that I can find nothing good about myself anymore. 

Tonight I ate food that would mute all the emotions. 
Tonight I drank until my stomach hurt. 
Tonight the tears have fallen freely. 
Tonight I am beyond words on how much my heart hurts.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree

My Mom's office was having an office decorating party with a secret awesome prize.  If you know Mom or me we tend to go overboard with these types of activities.  It's not really the need to win, but more the reaction we get from other people.  The affirmation that we are totally kick-ass women with some mad skills is what we look forward to.  Co-workers all know about Mom's creativeness and were excited to see what we had planned.

After some brainstorming we came up with Santa's Workshop.  Mom would be Mrs. Claus and the kids would be elves.  Thankfully, I was not asked to be Santa!  We knew we had the competition in the bag.  Once we came up with the idea the ball just kept rolling.  One thing turned into another, which turned into another, with turned into yet another. 

Friday morning, when co-workers started to arrive at work, they were in shock and awe.  We outdid ourselves!  Mrs. Claus and the elves were hard at work in Santa's Workshop.  After checking the naughty and nice lists, the little boys and girls (coworkers) would receive coal or candy depending on their status.  Mrs. Claus handed out gingerbread shaped cookies with warm wassel.  Many laughs were shared, Mom's status as the person who goes over and beyond was still intact, and the entire building came over to see the excitement.  It was fantastic!

Obviously, Mom won the contest.  She received one day of paid vacation, but would have rather received cash. 

Trying on costumes the night before.

CAUTION:  Elves at work! 

Did you make the Naughty or Nice list?

My two little elves hard at work.

The crew!

Hot 100 Update #11

I've been up since 5:30 this morning.  After 15 hours of running around like a chicken with my head cut off I am able to sit at home and relax.  It's been much like this the entire week and it will only get worse as the holidays get closer.  Gotta love it!

Goal 1 - Lose 30 pounds - As you might have noticed, I changed this goal last week from 20 to 30 pounds.  Drum roll please...............I lost 7 pounds this week!  7 POUNDS PEOPLE!  My total weight loss is 29.8 pounds.  To tell you the truth, I was very hesitate to change my goal to 30 pounds.  I didn't think it was possible.  Now, I'm amazed that within one week I'm almost at my second goal.  Do I dare change it again?  I know what I would like to set it to, but afraid to actually write it down and make it a reality. 

Goal 2 - Read more to the kiddos - We read a book every day this week. 

Goal 3 - Exercise at least 20 minutes 4 days a week - Last week I promised that I would work on this.  I've been slacking lately and this week was no exception.  I only truly exercised on Monday when we did the Fun Run at school.  Someone needs to give me a swift kick in the ass.  Actually, I need to stop messing around and just do it!  No excuses!

Jingle Bell Fun Run

The kiddos had a Jingle Bell Fun Run today at school.  I'm not sure why I thought the kids would walk with hubby and me.  They ran past us several times only to slow down to yell what number lap they were on.  I actually am quite happy to see that they all ran.  They didn't sit to "take a break" like many of the other students.  Not saying it's a bad thing, but it just makes me smile. 


One of the other parents that I've become an acquaintance with over the years asked if I would like to walk with her.  I said sure.  She says, "Good, I'll have another parent that will walk slow with me.  Us fat girls need to stick together."  #1 Who said I was going to walk slow?  #2  Just because I'm fat doesn't make us instant BFF's. 


She ended up attempting to walk with us, but we passed her up (a couple of times).  Honestly, I felt horrible and was worried about hurting her feelings, but hubby told me not to worry about.  I need to focus on me and not if I upset other people by walking too fast. 


The good news is that we walked 4 miles in 2 hours!  I feel so accomplished that can't get the smile off my face.  I'm sore as hell, but it was all worth it to know that I was out supporting my kiddos. 

Me and the youngest after 2 miles.

My and the oldest after another 2 miles!

Fat people love buffets

How can a fat person not love buffets?  Plate after plate of all the food you can stuff into your face is a dream!  Well, it's no longer heaven for me.  Everytime I walk into a buffet I feel as though I'm walking through hell.  For someone who obviously has food issues, it's difficult.  It's difficult not to revert into my old ways and pile food on my plate that shouldn't even touch my lips. 

Hubby loves the local Chinese buffet because it has all you can eat sushi.  I compromise and indulge his cravings because I'm such a great wife (ha).  Yesterday was one of those times.  I prepared myself as we are walking into the restaurant.  "Don't eat till you can't move. Don't pile your plate full of junk.  Don't eat 50 million plates of food.  Pick veggies over fried crap.  You can do this  You can totally do this!"

When I walked back to my table I was happy and so extremely proud of myself.  While hubby was loading his plate full of sushi I took a picture as proof.  Proof that I can overcome the dangers of a buffet.  Proof that I am slowly changing the ways I look at food.

My plate consisted of veggies with a small amount of black pepper chicken (which was delicious).  And for dessert?  Watermelon and cantaloupe.  No picture was taken because hubby was looking at me like I was crazy.  Who takes pictures of their food?  I was satisfied without being stuffed.  I felt like I was in control the entire time, and it felt amazing! 

RIP Plaid Pajama Shorts

Today I say good-bye to a good friend, plaid pajama shorts.  I remember when I bought Shorty almost 12 years ago.  She was the last pair of shorts that I bought in a "normal" store.  Shorty has been worn more times than I can count, and we have shared some difficult life changing events.  We have consumed several gallons of ice cream and hundreds of cookies together.  She painfully stretched to accommodate my fluctuations in weight even though it wasn't in her plan and has never complained how wide my butt became. 

Today I realized it's time to put Shorty out of her misery; it's really the best for both of us.  I can't have her around anymore because she no longer fits in with my lifestyle.  It has been a hard decision on what to do with Shorty but unfortunately she will not be going to another home.  R.I.P. Plaid Pajama Shorts....you will be missed!

Our last photo together.

Hot 100 Update Week 10

Thank goodness it is Friday!  This week has had alot of up and down moments and I hate to say that it's effected some of my goals.

Goal 1 - Lose 20 pounds - This morning I was pleasantly surprised with 312.6 staring up at me; which is a 2.2 lose from last week.  Total lost 22.8 pounds.  I'm going to change this goal to lose 30 pounds.  It can be done in the next 4 weeks!

Goal 2 - Read more to the kiddos - We read a book every single day this week.  I received a call from oldest's teacher earlier this week about him needing some extra help with reading.  He just isn't confident and doesn't want to say the wrong thing.  He is getting a double dose of help with tutoring at school and more one on one reading time at home with me. 

Goal 3 - Exercise 20 minutes for at least 4 days - A big NOPE on this one.  I got in one stupid day.  I know I can do better!  This is the goal I will be focusing on this week.  I'm in the process of trying to find a bike that won't collapse when I sit on it.  Or one that won't hurt my ass for 5 days after I ride.  Here is one option:

I know you are jealous of my awesome pink helmet!

Flat Stanley help!

I don't have many friends who live outside of Texas, so I'm asking for someone to help my son out on a school project.  Their class will be reading Flat Stanley by Jeff Brown.  In the story, Stanley is flattened, but not hurt by a bulletin board while he is sleeping.  His parents take advantage of his flattened condition and mail him to California in an envelope to visit a friend. 

As a class project they will be sending Flat Students across the country to see some different sights.  They are asking the recipients to mail them back to the school with a letter, postcard, or picture of the Flat Student's visit. 

If you are intersted in helping, please email me at thefatmom@yahoo.com.  We really appreciate it!

*** EDIT ***

I received several emails with an offer to help.  Thank you so much!  It means more than words can say that people I don't "know" would be so helpful. 

Are you effin' kidding me!

Today has been one of THOSE days where I just need to vent!  I came home from lunch to find the brand new 105 load liquid laundry detergent busted all over the washer.  Good news: it did not spill all over the floor.  Bad news: all of the laundry detergent landed inside a newly washed load of clothes. 

I tried to turn the rinse cycle on, but it only made things worse.  What did I end up doing?  I pulled every single item of clothing and hand washed them in the kitchen sink.  Think about the old days with a washing board and tub.  Damn whoever made sweats!  That shit soaked up every single drop of detergent.  By the time I was done with the entire load I was a freakin' sweaty hot mess. 

If this wasn't enough to deal with, hubby continues to ask when dinner will be ready.  Ummmm, whenever it's ready that's when (it's still 5:30 geez)!  Then youngest decides that it's ok to hold the dog down and kick her.  I lost it! 

The rest of the Halloween candy is tempting.  A couple of margaritas sound delicious.  Cookie dough is calling my name.  But instead of turning to food, I'm whining about my day.  Sulking is free in calories!

12 Days of Christmas

Kenz and Janna are hosting a 12 days of Christmas Gift Swap.  Here is a list of the particulars that you need to know if you plan to participate:

* You must have a blog to participate! It's important because participants will be asked to post about the event on their blogs too. We want to see what everyone receives!

* This swap is only open to bloggers in the US. I heart my international friends, but shipping will be too complicated at this time of year. We should have come up with this idea sooner, right?

* Don't be cheap! The gifts don't need to be expensive! They just need to be thoughtful and fun to receive. Fill the package with gifts that you'd like to receive. :) Think about how you want to feel when you open your package, and add a little "wow" to your gifts. You get the idea, right?

The sign up deadline is tomorrow at noon!  To read more about it, head on over and check it out. 

Balancing act

I love Weight Watchers.  Not to say that other programs don't work (because they do), but I've had more success with this particular program.  I've been reading labels more, measuring my food, writing what goes into my mouth on a daily basis, and I feel more accountable to myself.  Instead of mindlessly eating crap all day, I think about every morsel of food that is ingested and if it will help fuel my body. 

The big announcement of changing the program made many nervous.  I am not afraid of change and will adapt, but that doesn't mean I'm not struggling.  The amount of food that I have to eat in order to reach my daily limit of Points is ridiculous.  Did I just say that out loud?  Did I just admit that eating a huge amount of food was difficult?  Please someone check my temperature, I think I may be really sick! 

Sure, it would be easy if I ate nothing but cookies and fast food all day to get to my allotted Points.  But let's face the facts, I'm trying to do this the healthy way with fruits, veggies, and water.  It's a fine balance between eating enough food to actually lose weight and eating too much food and gaining weight.  Anybody else experiencing the same situation with the new WW program?