Have you ever wanted to just tell someone in your family (a very close family member) that you wanted absolutely nothing to do with them anymore? Today I was tempted. Very tempted! But of course I thought about how it would effect our family and kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to say something that I couldn't take back and regret. I should feel accomplished by that statement, but that's not the case.
How many times do you allow someone to hurt you before you say enough is enough? How many times do you give in, even though you know you shouldn't? How many times can you forgive a person for doing the same shit over and over and over again?
I let this person tell me what a horrible mother I am to my children (and believe it). I let this person tell me that I'm worthless to society and have nothing to offer (and believe it). I let this person tell me what a fat, lazy, good for nothing person I am (and believe it). I let this person degrade me to a point that I can find nothing good about myself anymore.
Tonight I ate food that would mute all the emotions.
Tonight I drank until my stomach hurt.
Tonight the tears have fallen freely.
Tonight I am beyond words on how much my heart hurts.