Sunday, January 2, 2011
Today we did a mini birthday party for stepson's 7th birthday. We went bowling, opened presents, and stuck a candle in some cupcakes. For 2 hours I salivated over those cupcakes on the table. Should I have one? Should I not? I was consumed by the calling of that chocolately goodness. It's ALL that I could think about. It shouldn't be a surprise....I ate one.
Instead of feeling like a failure or some big fat loser, I felt ok. There was no name calling. There was no disappointment. There was just peace within myself that I ate a freakin' cupcake. And then I felt.....shock. Does that make my weight loss journey pointless because I felt ok about eating a cupcake?
We brought the last cupcake home for Oldest and Youngest to share. Everytime I walked into the kitchen I thought about eating it. I had images of hiding in the corner and shoveling that cupcake into my mouth. Nobody would know. I could say that I threw it in the trash if anyone asked. There was no way my hubby would suspect otherwise.
After dinner was the perfect time to eat it and I wanted it so bad! More like my life depended on it. I couldn't go on without eating that cupcake. It was in my hand and making it's way into my opened mouth. Before it touched my lips I realized that I couldn't eat it. I didn't WANT to eat it. There was no way that I was going to eat it. I cut it in half and made the kids eat it (like it was intended).
How can a cupcake cause so much turmoil in a single day?