Sunday, January 2, 2011

A cupcake

Today we did a mini birthday party for stepson's 7th birthday.  We went bowling, opened presents, and stuck a candle in some cupcakes.  For 2 hours I salivated over those cupcakes on the table.  Should I have one?  Should I not?  I was consumed by the calling of that chocolately goodness.  It's ALL that I could think about.  It shouldn't be a surprise....I ate one.

Instead of feeling like a failure or some big fat loser, I felt ok.  There was no name calling.  There was no disappointment.  There was just peace within myself that I ate a freakin' cupcake.  And then I felt.....shock.   Does that make my weight loss journey pointless because I felt ok about eating a cupcake? 

We brought the last cupcake home for Oldest and Youngest to share.  Everytime I walked into the kitchen I thought about eating it.  I had images of hiding in the corner and shoveling that cupcake into my mouth.  Nobody would know.  I could say that I threw it in the trash if anyone asked.  There was no way my hubby would suspect otherwise.

After dinner was the perfect time to eat it and I wanted it so bad!  More like my life depended on it.  I couldn't go on without eating that cupcake.  It was in my hand and making it's way into my opened mouth.  Before it touched my lips I realized that I couldn't eat it.  I didn't WANT to eat it.  There was no way that I was going to eat it.  I cut it in half and made the kids eat it (like it was intended). 

How can a cupcake cause so much turmoil in a single day?


fatgirlwearingthin said...

I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of you; not only for blogging about something that I myself could have written, but that you didn't eat it. You could have. But you didn't. That is true progress, no matter how you look at it. (I'm having the same obsessive thoughts about a half bag of M&M's that are tucked away in my kitchen right now, btw.) You've just convinced me to avoid my kitchen for the rest of the night. Thank you ;)

Anonymous said...

Cupcakes are downright EVIL! My youngest son used to always volunteer me to make cupcakes for every one of his class parties until I finally told him "NO MORE CUPCAKES!" Now I donate chips because they don't bother me. LOL! I'm proud of you for showing that cupcake who's Boss!

Steph said...

You are not realizing how much you truly accomplished! Way to go!!!

Shane G. said...

I am proud that you won chick! But it had that much power over you cause you let it have that power and cause the turmoil. I know exactly what you went through, by personal experience over and over! I have finally just gotten a warrior mentality over foods that do that to me, specifically pizza! I have declared pizza my sworn enemy and now I literally have hard feelings toward it if it is in the area! It strangely makes me want to throw it away now? I understand if you laugh at me, that is dumb, but it saves my butt a whole bunch now too!

Mrs. D said...

You know cupcakes are my crack! Not any cupcakes, but Muddy's cupcakes.. Haven't had one of those babies since early November.

You had one, that's nothing to freak over, and you fought your fat-girl voice trying to negotiate another one. We've all been there, and that is nothing short of amazing! I've had that same internal battle, and it sucks. You are so much stronger than you're giving yourself credit for!

Twix said...

Good for you! High five!!! :)

The Ninja said...

this made me think of an episode of the Food Network challenge, where they made a cake that looked like cake eating the baker, it was cutsey and gorey at the same time.

Patrick said...

There is a bit of triumph here in that you did not give into temptation a 2nd time after bring the rest home. Temptations cause angst, keep them as far away as possible.

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