I'm a dancing machine

Big Bertha (my treadmill) has been getting minimal use lately.  I was religiously plugging away every single day for at least 30 minutes.  One day I noticed that the speed kept slowing up and slowing down without touching any buttons.  It would hesitate or stall when both feet were on and then speed up as soon as I would pick up my feet.  This gave me the feeling of falling and I've steered clear (probably just another excuse on my part).  At first I thought it was my weight, but I got the torture device when I was well over 300 pounds and haven't had an issue.

Instead of sitting around eating bons bons, I decided to plug in one of our many dancing games.  Let me tell you....my whole body hurts!  My arms especially are killer - even just to raise them above my head.  My body is moving, I've got swamp ass (sweat in my unmentionables), my head is swinging in time with the beat, and I'm singing off key.  It's the most fun I've had in quite awhile.  The kids are even getting involved and have become my back up dancers.  Those little monkeys would outshine me if I wouldn't push myself to move and we can't let that happen! 

I'm having a blast!  I'm moving and shaking my ass! And I'm loving every minute.  How silly is it to finally realize that if you do something you love, then it doesn't feel like exercise? 

One year ago

It's been a year since I made the decision to change my life.  The realization hit that in order to keep living, I had to lose some weight.  I have lost 56 pounds in 1 year/12 months/52 weeks/365 days, however you want to see it. 

I remember saying to myself "if only I lost 2 pounds per week I would lose over 100 pounds".  I would be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed by not losing that amount of weight.  I would also be lying if I said that I wasn't proud of myself for losing 56 pounds!  I could still be weighing in at 335 pounds (or worse).  Instead I'm continuously learning how to change my lifestyle, my food choices, my exercise plan, and improving my life in general.

Arm fat

I've been looking at recent pictures of myself and for the first time (in a long while) I actually don't feel cropping myself out of every picture.  My boobs are finally sticking out further than my fat roll, I don't look like I'm 9 months pregnant,  my cheek bones are making an appearance, no longer can I be mistaken for Chewbacca, and my butt isn't a mile wide.  After focusing on all the good things that have changed there is one thing that always draws my eyes.  My arms. 

For those people who have had weight issues or have been obese you know what I'm talking about.  The dreaded arm fat or bat wing that hangs below your tricep.  That flabby / fatty part of your arm that seems to never go away no matter what you do. 

Only one word:  DAYUM!

I've done several Internet searches on "how to get rid of arm fat" and not surprising received several different opinions. 

1.  Using weights to specify a muscle group will allow you to tone and define flabby arms.

2.  Using cardio will eliminate fat, but you will lose it all over.  Not in a specified part of your body.

3.  After losing weight you will have hanging skin which may or may not shrink with time.

4.  It's not possible.  Deal with your bat wings and move on.

So my question is:  What have you done to help with flabby arms?  Am I being unrealistic to think that I can get rid of this nasty fat?  Has anything worked for you?  Provide videos if possible or link a website that has helped!

I'll leave you with one last picture.  This one flaw is what peeves me the most. 

This little beauty is on my left bicep.  Kinda looks like a butt.

Once you go BIG you never go twig

Did anyone watch the premiere of Big Sexy on TLC last night?

I love the fact that these woman are comfortable with their size.  Their confidence amazes me, but in the back of my mind I wonder if it's all a facade.  Maybe it's the fact that I've never been comfortable in my own skin.  I've always felt disgusting and gross because that's how people saw me.  If I had a don't give a flying flip attitude maybe I would feel differently.

I also loved that they had a plus size fashion show.  Too many times I've seen super cute clothes and wish that I could squeeze the cheeks to fit into.  It's nice to see that big girls can also be fashionable and not have to wear Moo-Moo's or frumpy clothes out in public.

The BBW dating scene had me cringing.  #1 - all the guys in that room were not attractive.  They showed the 40 year old, bald, virgin, creepy guy at least 5 different times.  #2 - the thunder thigh competition made me want to hit the tv.  Am I the only one to see this as degrading? 

So, did you watch it?  What did you like or not like?  Any comments?

50 pounds lost

A picture says it all.  This is what 50 pounds lost looks like. 

Weight:  334.5 - 285.0

Size:  30 - 22

Chesticles:  6 inches lost

Waist:  7.5 inches lost

Thighs:  7 inches lost

A binge free weekend

I can proudly say this is the first weekend in a very long time that I have not binged.  Friday night we went to a local Italian food joint to celebrate my mother-in-law's birthday.  Let's just say I did not pick my food choices wisely.  Instead of a salad with low-fat or no-fat dressing, I ate a full fledged Cesear salad with 1/2 a piece of bread.  My oldest and I shared a plate that consisted of lasagna, manicotti, and cannelloni.  I gave him 2/3 of everything and I had a couple of bites of each item (which even my hubby noticed and mentioned to the rest of the table).  By the end of the night I was at 1900 calories.  OUCH!

Saturday morning I woke up and decided not to give in to any temptations over the weekend.  Weekends are always the hardest because it seems we run non stop.  It's easier to eat out (which we still did) than to make lunch/dinner at home.  I kept my calories in check and resisted those damn donuts my husband bought!  See below for my food log.

Saturday:  1191 calories
Breakfast - egg white sandwich on wheat bread
Lunch - Chicken soft tacos
Dinner - I-Hop Simple and Fit Wheat Toast French Toast (I ate maybe half of my plate)

Sunday:  1315 calories
Breakfast:  Oatmeal (even though my husband woke me up with freshly baked donuts...GRRRR)
Snack:  Oiko's greek yogurt with simply fruit strawberry jelly
Lunch:  Sonic grilled chicken wrap
Dinner:  Baked potato (no skin) with light sour cream, light butter, pinch of cheese, and a squeeze of bbq sauce.

Update on Mom

Mom is home from the hospital!!!  Basically we don't know what happened because the doctor couldn't give us any answers.  We do know that she had fluid in her lungs and had pre-pneumonia.  That was the main reason why she was admitted.  She was given high doses of antibiotics on Monday afternoon and started to feel better almost immediately. 

Tuesday morning she ate breakfast and the pain returned.  The pain medicine did not help whatsoever and basically she screamed for 3 hours until the pain went away.  When the doctor came in later that night he said that her stats were good, no fever, and the fluid in her lungs looked better.  The spasms in her belly were a mystery.  Instead of running more tests, he put her on a solid diet and crossed his fingers.  I don't agree with not finding out WHY this was happening, but I don't have medical training.

After eating solid foods and without having any pain she was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon.  I'm very grateful for those who sent prayers, vibes, whatever our way.  I appreciate it!  I don't know what I would do if I lost my Mom and I would be lying if that didn't cross my mind.  It was the most disheartening feeling seeing her in so much pain and not being able to help.  Hopefully she will be back to her normal wacky self soon and being home is a step in the right direction!

First day of school

The kids were excited to go back to school.  They are still at the age where school is fun so we don't have to deal with the grumpiness yet.  It's the days of recess, friends, computer time, coloring and crafts with some learning thrown in.  OK, so they really do A LOT of learning but they think it's still fun. 

Last week we attended the Open House and met the teachers.  It is always nice to be able to speak to them before school to explain your child's strengths, weaknesses, and what they are challenged with.  The kids don't have to go in blind and the teacher's already have an idea of their learning styles.

I can't believe my kiddos are in 3rd and 2nd grade!  And yes, I still tear up when we drop them off on their first day of school.  I'm a sap!  Below are some of the obligatory pictures we take on the first day of school.  Time has flown by. 

Look....I'm not standing BEHIND my kids.

My Oldest

My Youngest

My Mom

On Friday my Mom went into surgery for a "simple" and "routine" gallbladder removal.  I was on pins and needles all morning while waiting for the phone call from my Dad to say everything was fine.  When he finally called, I heard the panic in his voice.  She had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and they couldn't wake her up for a long period of time.  When she was moved out of recovery and Dad was able to see her she was screaming in pain.  He looks down and she is sitting in a pool of blood.  He is rushed out of the room as nurses flood in.  Later on we found out that a capillary didn't clot properly but they were able to correct the problem.  They sent her home that afternoon.

Saturday she was still in pain but managing with pain meds and lots of sleep.  Sunday I went to check on her and she seemed to be feeling better.  The pain was still there, but not as bad.  I thought things were going in the right direction.  Today my mom calls me to say she is going to the ER.  I took off work and went to sit with her and Dad.  After 3 doses of pain medication, she is screaming and moaning about the pain.  She feels as though her stomach is being ripped apart.  She underwent a CAT scan and an ultrasound in order to find the problem.  She was admitted back into the hospital. 

Of course we have no information on what's going on.  The doctors and nurses are being very tight lipped about everything.  I'm worried.  Please send your prayers, good vibes, healing mojo, whatever you believe in our way. 

A weight update

I've struggled with the decision of blogging about my weight update.  Mostly because I feel as though I'm cheating.  While on my hiatus from bloggy world I was strictly on Weight Watchers.  For 14 weeks I gained and lost the same 5 pounds.  It was beyond frustrating!  I knew I had to do something different before I gave up completely and gained everything back.

The last straw was our weekly grocery store trip.  I stood in Walmart with fear and disappointment cruising through my veins.  Food was target #1 and Hubby was target #2 for my wrath.  He asked several times what was going on and I could never express what I was feeling.  I was pissed that I couldn't eat anything I wanted.  I would pick up a box, read the label, and basically throw it back on the shelf.  Then I would beat myself up for even wanting said item.  I was so focused on being "good" that ultimately I ended up not getting anything.  When we arrived back home, I cried quietly in the bathroom.  Why did it have to be so hard?

At that moment I decided to make the appointment with my fat doctor.  She monitors your food journal, weight, blood pressure, exercise, and your overall wellness.  All good things!  This is where the cheating comes to play; she also prescribes an appetite suppressant that is taken daily. 

After a couple of days taking the medicine I could tell a difference.  Food wasn't a priority anymore.  I could eat breakfast/lunch/dinner and not worry about what my next meal was going to be.  I didn't feel the constant urge to eat and if I ate one potato chip I didn't want or have to eat the entire bag.  I don't feel the need to finish my entire plate or sneak around the corner to eat another spoonful of dinner. 

Food is finally just food!

With that being said, I've lost a total of 53 pounds.  It may be considered cheating to some people (and at some level I agree), but I don't regret my decision.  I'm learning that my life doesn't have to revolve around food.  When it's time to stop taking the medicine, it's up to me to continue my healthy way of eating.  Right now it's about learning what that is and how to do it.

Is your spouse making you fat?

This article was highlighted on MSN yesterday; the title drew my eyes, made me curious, and I clicked it.  Let's be honest, I was trying to find proof that it's all my husband's fault on why I'm fat.  Who wants to take personal responsibility for that?  Who wants to admit that the only person to blame is themself?  It's much easier to blame someone else for a problem you have.  Whether it be your husband, your children, that darn pot luck dinner you must attend every month, the media, friends, the parents that never supported you, that pesky waiter who brought out the dessert tray after dinner, whatever. 

The last time I checked it was me who decided to eat the entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups....not my husband!  Why should my husband and children be forced not to buy Double Stuffed Oreos because I can't keep my grubby hands out of the bag?  At some point I have to take responisbility for my own actions and my own weight issues instead of blaming those I truly care about.  This is the part in my weight loss journey where I blame myself.  This is also the part that I'm not feeling sorry for myself but taking action!

As The Fat World Turns

I don't want to be one of those bloggers.  You know the ones that I'm talking about. 

"I'm back!!!"
No posts in 3 weeks
"Look out....I'm back!"
No posts in 2 months
"OK, for real I'm back now"

You get the idea.  The reality is that I've missed blogging and all my bloggy friends.  I won't say "I'm back" (again), but I will say that I'm going to blog more often than not. That's about as much as I can commit to right now.  I also commit to reading more of your fabulous blogs.  Inspiration and motivation are happening all over and I'm missing it.  That's my loss!


Life has gotten in the way and I feel as though I'm in a soap opera at times.  As The Fat World Turns would be the current title (pretty appropriate in my opinion).  The munchkins are about to start school, work has been stressful, Hubby is being laid off, and I'm still on this crazy roller coaster of weight loss.
 
Expect some interesting posts in the next couple of weeks and expect that I will be visiting to say hello!  Hopefully I haven't lost all my bloggy friends, but understand if you have moved on.

Polka dots

I finally bit the bullet and gave away many of my previous summer fat clothes.  It was hard to give away those favorite pair of jeans, but I calmed myself with a much needed shopping trip!  My mom and I spent an hour looking in one of my favorite stores for the perfect summer outfits.  By the end of our time, I was disappointed in our trip.  It seemed as though everything I tried on didn't fit right on my body.  Things were hitting me in the wrong places and making me wider than I really am. 

It all changed when I tried on an 18/20 cute summer polka dot top.  Two things you must know:
#1 - Polka dots are my favorite thing in the entire world.
#2 - Last year I was squeezing myself into a size 28/30. 

I walked away with a couple of items, but more than that I walked out with my head held high knowing how much I've accomplished! 

Happy Birthday

It's my birthday and I'll eat if I want too!

Just for today

Guess who got a hair cut

I have a love hate relationship with my hair.  It's very thick and heavy, but I'm so hair challenged that all I do is put it in a pony tail.  After much thinking, I decided to cut it.  I searched "short hairstyles" on the net and went to the salon with my Mom and the following picture.

Cute, right?!?  It frames her face and isn't too short.  I was excited until she stylist chopped off my hair.

Can you see the fear in my eyes?  I was texting my best friend and cousin about how I wasn't sure if this was a good idea.  I was on the verge of tears.  Their advice was to tell her to stop.  How do you tell someone to stop cutting your hair when you've already committed?  It's not like she could glue my long locks back into place.  So, I ended up with a little boy's haircut.  I went into the bathroom after and took this. 

Not happy!  Mom and I drive back to her house and my brother immediately says, "What the hell happened to your hair?  I hate it!"  Mom says I need to take a real picture....not a mug shot.  This is the picture that I took. 

I look happy, right?  I'm still getting used to my new hair.  I still think it's way to short and most days I feel like a little boy.  I just keep repeating to myself "It's just hair, it will grow back". 

Dubai or not Dubai....that is the question?

I've decided not to go to Dubai for a year.  The main reason is because my job with the company is not guareenteed when I come back.  I can't afford to be without a job for another 3 years.  Sure I will be making major bucks if I went to Dubai, but that wouldn't support us if I couldn't find a job for awhile. 

If they ever tell me that my job will be waiting when I return....my ass will be on the next flight out!

Should I stay or should I go?

Today my boss asked if I would consider going to Dubai.  As I stood there slack jawed and shocked he explained the position.  It would be a contract assingnment for a year, working as an admin, and for $126,000.  I almost passed out! 

I have a couple of things running through my mind. 

• What an honor to be considered for a position in another country. 
• The money!
• How exciting to see a different part of the world.
• Ummmm, the money!
• I would miss my family, especially my kiddos.
• Did I mention the money?!?
• Skype and my computer would be my best friend.
• Money isn't everything, but it sure would help.

I've talked to Hubby and surprisingly he said to go.  My plan is to talk to my boss tomorrow.  We will go from there. 

Goals revisited

Do you remember the Hot 100 challenge that Steve put on last year?  I actually miss it.  I miss having set goals for myself (other than losing weight) and being able to talk about them on a weekly basis.  Why can't I do this on my own?  Ding ding ding....I can! 

1.  Lose weight every week (DUH) no matter how small it is.  My first goal is 5% of 299.2, which equals 284.3.
2.  Drink more water!
3.  Log my food, every single bite, in the Weight Watchers website.
4.  Use my new best friend (the treadmill) at least 4 days a week. 
5.  Stop the bad snacking after work.

Stop by every Friday if you want to see the progress.  Do you have goals that you would like to set for yourself?

What a great day!

I woke up to a 2.7 pound loss and under 300 pounds again!  WOOOOO HOOOOO!  Those days on the treadmill and trying my best to eat right actually worked.  Funny how that concept works.  I jumped in the shower singing - not a normal thing at 6:00 in the morning - and even took time to shave my legs - totally not normal on a work day!

Believe it or not but Texas has completely skipped spring and has gone directly into summer.  Sucks but whatever.  Instead of wearing my normal work attire of slacks and a polo, I decided to slap on a summer dress.  I spent extra time on my hair and makeup.  I felt amazing!

When I got to work my husband calls me.  He says, "Hey babe.  Just want to tell you how beautiful you looked this morning.  You are totally in the MILF category today and I can't wait till you get home to do naughty things to you."  I've never been called a MILF by anyone, including hubby.  Some people might think it's a derogatory statement, but I loved it. 

To top things off.....it's payday!  What an amazingly awesome day!

Swelling

I've been on the treadmill 3 out of 3 days!  Go me!!!

But, I'm concerned about the swelling in my hands.  I have to take off my rings before walking or else my fingers swell so much that they hurt.  When I step off of the treadmill I can hardly make a fist. 

What's that all about?  Any ideas?

Meet my little friend

This is the anniversary gift I received from my hubby about a month ago. 

Before you think that he should be kicked in the balls for being a douche bag, I actually asked for this.  When he asked what I wanted I responded, "A treadmill or jewelry.  You pick."  Anyways, I've been on the thing maybe 3 times since it's been installed, but today I'm recommitting myself to get my big butt in gear.  I envision lots of hours together, a bucket full of sweat, and maybe some cursing along the way.  I need to think of a name for my new best friend.  Any suggestions?

And by the way, my new friend is in our living room.  I have no excuses (other than the million excuses I make on a daily basis) why I shouldn't be jumping on. 

Killing me slowly

This weekend I came to a realization; my food addiction is slowly killing me.  That thought sunk in to my soul and it left me breathless.  I had to sit on the bed and think about what I was doing to myself.  Thankfully, I do not have diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, or any other obesity related diseases.  That only means that I've been very lucky up to this point.  Eventually, it will catch up to me and I'm scared.  I'm scared what I'm doing to my body and my future. 

Maybe this is the realization I needed in order to get my shit together? 

How to control the pie hole

I'm struggling with snacking.  At work it's not much of a temptation because I don't have access to a fridge full of food.  I could go down to the vending machine, but I'm a penny pincher and don't see spending the money on a bag of chips (thank God).  When I hit the home front hide your children and lock your doors!  I'm in the kitchen shoveling the food into my pie hole as fast as I can.  I feel hungry and food just calls my name. 

I don't know how to control it.  Maybe my willpower is gone.  Today a friend posted this picture of me on Facebook. 

I wanted to punch her in the face.  Not literally, but I really wanted to delete it.  Maybe this picture will motivate me to stop the food madness.  If I don't handle the snacking now, then I will look like the above picture again.

Feeling like a slacker

I'm going to admit that what I am about to say is wrong.  I've been going through blogs all day trying to catch up.  When I would come to a person who hasn't blogged in 1, 2, or even 3 months I felt better about myself somehow.  Not that I feel like I'm above these people, but more like I wasn't the only person out there who has "fallen off the wagon". 

Now that it's almost 6:30 pm I feel like I've wasted my day sitting in front of the computer.  I could have been outside with the hubster washing cars and doing lawn work.  Ok, that doesn't sound as fun but it would have been better than wasting my day inside. 

I'M BACK!!!!

Yes, I'm back in the Fat Mom corner of blogland!  I've missed writing and the accountability it gave me, but most of all I missed all my blog friends.  It's incomprehensible how much this community motivates me in my own personal weight loss challenge.  Let's be honest, I haven't been motivated lately and that's the major reason why the blog was put on the back burner.  I'm still not 100% motivated, but this is a step in the right direction.  I have to face the facts that I screwed up.

I finally reached a major goal of being under 300 pounds and I stayed there for several weeks.  It was such an incredible feeling; I felt amazing!  Slowly, the number began to creep back up.  It only reached 305, but it was still enough of a kick in the ass for me.  Hopefully the scale will start going down again!

Work is going great and I've already received several complimentary emails from the corporate office in New York.  The Compliance Officer and Operations Manager have both sent emails about how awesome I am.  I mean they would be stupid if they didn't realize that already!  It's been hard to juggle work, kids, baseball, food, bills, life!  Though somehow it gets easier as time goes by.  Sometimes I miss being home with the boys, but then I come home and walk into a house of screaming kids and praise the Higher Aboves that I am able to have some sanity throughout the day.

I've been checking periodically on everyone's progress and blogs but I have not commented.  I promise I will soon let you know that I'm reading.  Thank you to everyone who has stuck by and sent emails asking how I am.  It meant more than words can express!

Giving back

Even when things are tough we all have so much to be thankful for.  By volunteering or doing charity events it reminds me that things could be worse.  It puts alot of things into perspective and brings be back down to Earth.  My heart is filled with joy and I feel amazing!

This past weekend my family participated in the Aids Walk.  Oldest and Hubby joined me and Mom for their first 5k.  I was a proud Momma because my not so little boy kept up with us the entire time (and sometimes we had to yell at him that he was too far ahead of us).  Even though it said a 5k (3.1 miles) we walked well over 4 miles.  Let's be honest, I was dying!  But we all finished and had a blast doing it.

A special shout out to my bestest bloggy friend, Ellen, who donated money to support this cause. 

The family (minus our two little minions)

Mom, Me, Hubby, & Oldest - WE DID IT!

After our Aids Walk we drove to our second charity event for the day.  St. Baldrick's supports children with cancer.  Individuals choose to shave their heads so that kids who are going through chemo do not feel alone.  Our family was supporting Taylor who lost her life to rhabdomyosarcoma in 2005.  She was the niece of a good friend of ours.  My wonderful hubby was a "shavee" and took his job with serious pride.  When his butt hit the barber's chair, he could not wipe the smile off his face. 

The family!

The boys - Stepson, Youngest, Oldest

Mr. Clean and me

A spare moment

I don't see how you all have jobs and are able to post blogs on an almost regular basis!  Since Thursday last week I have no been able to open my computer once.  I think I may be having withdrawls.  It's been a difficult transition from being home 24/7 to dividing my time between work and family.  The laundry is piled to the ceiling, home cooked dinner has been non-existent, the dog is depressed because I haven't spent enough time with her, and let's not even talk about the kids!  That being said.....

I love my job and I'm super excited about being a working member of society again.  (not saying that being a stay at home whatever isn't an important job either)  My manager says I'm picking up quickly and he is proud of me.  It's been a struggle to understand the concept of all the paperwork, but like everything it will only take time. 

2 advantages of me working:
 - I'm not snacking throughout the day.  It's way easier when you are home to graze all day.  I bring a lunch and two snacks to work and that's it.  There are no second helpings or multiple trips to the refrigerator.
 - I'm not constantly thinking about food.  Because my mind is moving and I'm learning all the new processes, food isn't a number one priority. 

2 disadvantages of me working:
 - I sometimes "forget" to eat lunch.  Not good!  My body likes to freak out and hold on to every ounce when that happens.  Then when I get home all I want to do is eat!
 - I'm not moving around as much as when I was home.  Believe it or not, I didn't just sit around and eat bon-bon's watching Jerry Springer all day.  I miss getting on the bike or going for a walk with the dog whenever I feel like it. 

Once I get into the swing of things I will step up the blogging, but until then I'm sorry.  I'm still reading all of your blogs, but I just haven't found the time to comment.  I hope you understand!!!!

The hills are alive

Imagine me running up a moutain (without sweating and my hair completely in place), twirling with my arms out stretched, and singing in perfect pitch "The hills are alive with the sound of music".  That's pretty much how I feel.

ON TOP OF THE WORLD

This afternoon I got a call about the job I interviewed for last week.  You will never believe it....I got the job!  It's very close to home.  I will have the flexibility to take my kids to school in the morning.  I start tomorrow at 8:00 am. 

Now the biggest problem - I have no work clothes that fit anymore! 

I did it!

My favorite picture of this weekend

Saturday morning my Mom and I walked our first 5k to support the Houston's Women's Shelter; 23rd Annual Race Against Violence.  It was cold, rainy, and very windy but we finished in one hour and 8 minutes.  In the beginning, I was nervous about being the biggest person there.  Eventually I said, "screw everyone" because I was at least putting forth the effort. 

The cold front AND the rain coming in.

Mom and The Fat Mom

It felt good to finish, but I felt like I was holding Mom back.  She was scared that we would be last while hundreds of people walked past us.  I told her she could leave me; she refused.  At one point I told her that I didn't want to disappoint her (by walking so slow).  Even typing it makes me emotional.  I know she is proud of me, and I of her.  We conquered this race together and I'm glad she was by my side.

I did it! 

When I first looked at this picture all I saw was my fat roll. 

But the more I look at it the more I see my weight loss.

The more I see strength, perseverance, and power!

Cheese Enchiladas

Ingredients:
1 pkg (8 oz) fat free cream cheese

1 pkg (7 oz) fat free shredded cheddar cheese
2 green onions
6 flour tortillas
1 cup salsa

Directions:
1. Heat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Beat cream cheese in small bowl with mixer until creamy. Add 1 cup cheddar and onions; mix well. Spread down centers of tortillas; roll up.
3. Place, seam sides down, in 11.7 inch baking dish; top with salsa. Cover.
4. Bake 20-25 min or until heated through. Sprinkle with remaining cheddar.

1 enchilada = 4 Points Plus
2 enchiladas = 7 Points Plus

Notes:  I used Carb Balance 6" wheat tortillas.  To add some bulk, I added some cooked chicken into the mixture. 

Review:
I love cheese enchiladas and have found it difficult to find a recipe that was low in Points and good!  The family loved them so much that we ate it twice in one week (upon request).  The rice in the picture was nasty, but you can never go wrong with some fat free refried beans.

Let the booty shaking begin!

I weighed in at precisely 300.0 pounds this morning!  Why couldn't it say 299.8 so that I could officially yell from the roof tops that I'm under 300 pounds?  I'm still excited. Not only have I reached 10% of weight loss (35.4 pounds), but I'm so close to being under 300 that I can taste it. 

Today my Mom and I are celebrating with pedi's, shopping, and picking up our 5k race information.  I will definitely be doing the rump shaker all day today!

I like big butts....

I like big butts and I can not lie

You other brothers can't deny

That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist

And a round thing in your face

You get sprung

Ok, I will spare you with the rest of the song by Sir Mix-A-Lot.  This is like the big booty anthem and if you don't know it then shame on you!  You might be asking, "Why the song Fat Mom?"  See photo below.

This is the first picture that was taken of my back side that I'm not cringing in horror.  Hubby said it's ok if you stare.  Need a better look?  

I know it's beautimous.......but you can stop staring now.  Really!  It's kinda like the sun, if you keep looking at it you will go blind!

Exercise outfits

It's been a struggle to find exercise clothes that don't cost a fortune.  I've been wearing 4x shirts and shorts that barely stay up and it's time to say good-bye.  I wanted to find something that I wouldn't be embarrassed to wear out in public during my 5k.  Today I found some pretty inexpensive clothes and bought it even if it wasn't particularly in my size. 

When I got home I squeezed my rolls and my huge chesticles into this shirt.  I felt like a stuffed sausage, but I love how my boobs aren't bouncing all over the place.  These babies are dangerous and can give black eyes if I'm not careful. 

I had Oldest take a picture of me in my spiffy new outfit thinking that it wouldn't be that bad.  (Have you ever noticed that what you see in the mirror is totally different in a picture?)

All I can say is HELL TO THE NO!!!  I will not be wearing this in public for fear of scaring all the precious children away.  That massive roll scares me and it's on my body!  One of these days I will be able to wear this without fear of others laughing and pointing as I pass. 

The glass is half full

Bad News:  I didn't get the job.  It's whatever.  The job didn't pay much and there was not a lot of growth.
It didn't happen for a reason and I'm ok with it.

Good News:  Today another company called to set up an interview for Wednesday.  I applied in JANUARY! 

Good News:  We raised quite a bit of money with my baked goods. 

Bad News:  I think I gained about 20 pounds by licking the bowls. 

The Best News:  I started preparing for the 5k today and walked 3.1 miles in an hour and 15 minutes.  Ok, it might seem really slow but I'm still out there doing it.  Then tonight the kids were begging to go for a walk with the dog.  Normally I would have laughed in their faces.  Instead I walked another mile as the kids ran circles around me. 

That should get those cookies off my ass!  Maybe?

Weigh In Confusion

You should be able to get on the scale and believe the number you see.  Instead I'm left second guessing everything!  I've done really well in not jumping on the scale every 10 minutes for the past 2 weeks.  When I told myself that I wouldn't let the number define me, I believed it. 

This morning I woke up and weighed 303.4.  I ate breakfast and took a shower (for some reason I always weigh less after I eat breakfast).  I weighed again and the scale said 296.6.  Under 300 pounds?!?!  No way.  I jump back on.....295!  Ok, something isn't right.  That would be almost a 8 pound loss in 2 weeks and I don't feel that I've put in that much effort.  Jump on a final time and it said 301.4. 

Now I'm left asking what is the true number?  I thought that maybe my scale was off.  This isn't the first time that the numbers have jumped so ridiculously.  2 weeks ago I made a  trip to Walmart and checked 3 different scales.  They all matched the number on the scale at home.  I just don't understand how a scale can fluctuate 6 pounds within a 5 minute period.

Red meat vs. Turkey?

Our family uses ground turkey instead of red meat in everything.  From hamburger helper, to spaghetti, to chili, to hamburgers.  My question:  Is turkey really better for you?  If you get the really lean ground beef, isn't it the same?

I'm not a nutritional type person (obviously) so I'm curious of your thoughts or knowledge.

Interview update

It's funny how things all fall into place. 

1.  I make the decision to go to school. 
2.  Get a phone call about an interview.
3.  Rocked the interview!
4.  Sent in application for school (to start this summer) after looking at hundreds of programs.
5.  Get a phone call for a second interview for tomorrow!

My interview was relaxed and nice.  Before I left, the Office Manager said that it was between me and another woman, but he "liked my personality and style more than the other candidate".  I left with my head held high knowing that whatever happened was meant to be.  Unlike the previous interviews that I've been on, I now have a goal in place if I don't get this job.  My life isn't over and I won't go into the tail spin of depression. 

So, now my biggest obstacle is that I have nothing to wear for my second interview.  I wish I would have bought at least one more interview worthy outfit this past weekend on my shopping trip.  After looking in my closet I pulled something together and I will totally rock it!

Life changing decisions

My weekend was amazing!  It started alittle rocky with a $200 tire replacement on my car.  Thankfully, I had them checked because they probably would have blown.  Then when I'm 2 hours away I get a phone call saying the kids were sitting at school an hour and a half pick up time.  The babysitter forgot to pick them up.  Hubby was on the way so it turned out ok in the end. 

There is nothing like spending time with a good friend.  No pressure to act a certain way or say the right things.  We shopped and gossiped and watched good movies.  I bought a couple of new shirts and even managed to buy a size 18/20!  I did a little happy dance in the dressing room.  AMAZING!

So, what's this life changing decision thing all about?  My friend, Gen, and I were talking about school.  She is enrolled at the University of Maryland and taking classes online.  I asked about tuition, financial aid, classes online, testing, etc.  I've decided that if I'm eligible to receive a full ride scholarship/grant then I'm going to go back to school!

I talked with hubby because I can't make this decision by myself.  It will take commitment from the entire family, not just from me.  He was so supportive that it made me cry.  As we sat in the car he said, "The only thing I have to say is why didn't you do this sooner?" 

After this huge decision is made, I get a phone call for an interview.  Go figure!  It will be my luck that I get this job.  I'm not going to bomb the interview today.  If I get it, then it will be another decision to face.  It's good to have options, right?

A busy bee

This week has been never ending!!! 

I've been trying to raise money for not only the AIDS Walk, but also for St. Bladrick's (for children with cancer).  My husband has decided to shave his head and I've signed up as a volunteer to help with the event.  To help raise more money for both events, my mom and I decided to do a bake sale.  The next few weekends will be spent baking. 

How do you like the flyer I made for Mom's office?

Baseball is in full swing.  Youngest is so excited to play and I can't wait until games start.  I've volunteered to be Team Mom again.  Shoot me now!  Even though it brings on several headaches with all of the responsibilities, it is also very rewarding to be "a part of the team"! 

Youngest at baseball tryouts

Tonight was Youngest and Step-Son's school Texan program.  They sang their little hearts out and I was a proud Momma.  True to form, I teared up watching them up on stage. 

And to sum everything up, I'm leaving tomorrow to visit a friend about 3 hours away.  Her husband is in the Army and they were stationed in Germany.  They recently came back to Texas and I promised I'd visit her new house.  I'm not looking forward to the boring drive by myself, but I can't wait to see her! 

Our special night

This is what I ended up wearing.  After getting ready in my most favorite (along with many of you) black and white floral dress I realized that it didn't fit.  It really saddened me, but I made the new dress work.  And honestly, it was nice to wear something different.

Tonight we celebrated our anniversary at The Melting Pot.  If you haven't been, you must go now!  We were served a four course meal over a two hour period.  First we started with cheese fondue and bread to dip.  It is not pictured because, let's face it, we scarfed it down before I could whip the camera out. 

Then we had a delicious salad with sweet and tangy dressing. 

For the main entree there was a seasoned broth fondue with lobster, chicken, salmon, ravoli, and beef. 

For dessert we had white chocolate sauce with strawberries, pound cake, brownies, marshmellows, pineapple, and cheesecake.  I like to call it, the pot of heaven. 

We toasted the night with a glass of champange.  Here's to our first anniversary with many more to come!

How we met

Since it's our anniversary and Valentine's Day, I decided to share our own love story. 

Hubby and I actually met back in 2000.  I was a senior in high school (17 years old) and he was the bad boy rebel (20 years old).  We dated for several months and I was "in love"  Whatever love was to a 17 year old girl.  I thought that I would marry this man and had fantasies of our wedding day.  Yeah, it was a bit over the top.

Us back in 2000.

It came as a shock when the jerk broke up with me because he was turning 21.  His high school girlfriend wouldn't be able to accompany him to the bars.  There was no point in having me wait around for him when his only goal was to get wasted as much as possible.  This was a major heart break and I cried for several days/months. 

We kept in contact through email (and a few drunken late night calls when he "couldn't live without me"), but we eventually just lost contact.  Life went on.  I got married and had kids, but I always wondered what happened to him.  I searched for him a couple of times on the internet (just to see how he was) but I was never successful in finding him. 

Suddenly, I was faced with a divorce after almost 7 years of marriage.  I took a couple of months for myself and focused on my boys.  One day I thought of him and wondered if I would be able to find him.  The first search and his name popped up with a distorted picture.  I held my breath while I typed an email asking if it was really him.  It was a "hey, how are you" type email and nothing romantic.  A couple days passed and I finally get a response.  My heart skipped a beat when I read, "Yes, it is me.  Is this the girl that I so foolishly let slip away because I wanted to get drunk?" 

We emailed back and forth for about 2 weeks before we decided to meet for lunch.  We were both in the process of a divorce and wanted to take things very slowly.  Coming out of an unsuccessful relationship can put you on guard.  Not to mention, the last time we dated we didn't have "adult" problems to deal with.  We were both toally different people.  After that lunch, we have been unseperable. 

After our divorces were final we hit the ground running.  We waited for a couple of months before the kids were introduced and then came the decision to move in together (or I should say me and the boys move to his house).  It was difficult to join families, but somehow we made it work (and are still making it work).

One of our first photos together - the second time around

I wish I could say that I had some great proposal, but really that's not the hubs.  He isn't the romantic type who plans occasions.  One day we talked about marriage and he asked simply asked "why not just do it".  We planned a very small, friends and family type wedding ceremony at my parent's home.  We were surrounded by the people we love the most and it was such a beautiful day.



Today I wish all of you a very love filled Valentine's Day.  To the man who still makes my toes curl I wish a Happy 1st Anniversary. 

Fashion Show - Help me choose

Our first anniversay is tomorrow (conviently on Valentine's Day).  I can't decide what to wear and need help!  We are planning to go to a fairly nice restaraunt for dinner, so a dress seems to fit the occasion.  Below are the choices.  Please excuse some of the pictures; the kids took them while standing on the dining room chair.

1. This is the dress I bought a couple of weeks ago in the size 22.  It fits so much better than when I first tried it on. 

2.  Short and tight.  I've worn this a couple of times, but I'm very self conscience of my arms.  Let's not even mention the middle section that's sticking out.  Urg!

3.  One of my all time favorite dresses that I own.  This will probably be the last time that I will be able to wear it because it's becoming too big.  It will be alittle bitter sweet when I have to give this dress up.

4.  This is the dress I wore last year after we got married.  Kinda like my going away outfit.  I'm still not sure why I bought it, because when I look at pictures it doesn't leave me all warm and fuzzy.  And quite frankly I can't even find a single picture from last year with me in it.  It was big when I bought it and now it feels like I'm wearing a tent. 

Which one do you like?

Sometimes I really love that man

You all know how I've been struggling with the scale since Christmas.  I've been gaining/losing the same 5 pounds for 2 months now.  Today was yet another disappointing scale attempt.  I sent Hubs a text message explaining how frustrated I am.  He sends me the following message:

I'm so sorry babe.  I don't know if I trust our scale.  Your clothes are loose and baggy on you to where you can't even hold them up anymore.  There is no way in hell you aren't losing weight.  I know that looking at the numbers means alot, but at the same time all I have watched is my wife melt away.  I am so proud of the weight loss that you have already done and I know if you stay with it you will reach your goal.  You look absolutely awesome right now, and to be honest I am envious.  I'm not just saying this to make you happy.....I really mean it.  I know it's hard, but just keep up the good work and remain as dedicated as you have been.  I love you.

Even though he can be a self proclaimed asshole, he can also be sweet and amazing too.  Love that man! 

Because of his words, I'm not dwelling on that stupid number on the scale.  My measurements are dwindling fast, my stamina is increasing during my workouts, and my body feels so much better by the food I'm fueling it with. 

My first 5k!?!

Today I signed up for my first 5k.  Please, someone check my forehead for a fever!  It's for the 22nd Annual Aids Walk in Houston on March 13th.  I'm nervous, but also excited to support such a great cause.  I'm trying to convince friends (or at least a friend) to join me.  It would be alittle nerve wracking and lonely if I were to do this by myself.  I have 32 days and counting.  These next few weeks I'm going to be walking my big fat butt off so I won't embarrass myself in front of thousands by huffing and puffing from a measly 3 miles. 

I'm not one to beg for money, but I'm trying to raise $300.00 for this cause.  If you would like more info please email me.  It's tax deductible!!!

Say good-bye to my little friend

Something clicked today.  Not sure what prompted it, but I had what they call an "aha" moment.  I'm tired of the scale controlling me.  The numbers effect my mood, and my mood effects the way I treat myself, and the negative treatment is not right.  I tried to justify weighing myself every morning, but seriously I'm only fooling myself.  After my weekly weigh in tomorrow I will be putting the scale away. 

It's funny I have mixed emotions about this decision.  I feel as though a burden has been lifted off of me, but I also feel like I'm setting myself up for failure.  Weighing myself every hour is not healthy.  The stress it causes is not healthy.  I'm choosing to be healthy and pray to the Gods that by limiting the stress of the scale that the numbers will follow.

Now the big question is.....do I weigh every 2 weeks or every month? 

I'm truly feeling the wind in my hair now

Back in October I posted a blog about bike riding.  It has been a rough experience to say the least.  There were many times that I fell off, ran into mailboxes, and even a parked car or two. There have been times people honked their horns or laughed while driving past me. I've gotten back on the bike despite all the obstacles.


I started riding on Hubby's bike and soon discovered that I needed one of my own.  One that I was comfortable on.  It would also promote family bike rides together since every member of the family would have a bike at that point.  I searched high and low for a new bike.  Do you remember this one? 

For Christmas I received a brand new bicycle from Hubby and my in-laws.  It has the big seat for us apple bottom ladies (which I love).   I still haven't gotten used to the pain my naughty bits go through, but it's getting better. 

Today I went for my very first 3 mile bike ride and I felt fabulous!  Sure, I was panting at the hills and had some major boob sweat going on, but for the most part I felt carefree with the wind in my face.  More importantly, I'm proud that I have kept a promise to myself.  In October I said that I wouldn't give up on bike riding and I'm still here pedaling along.  I can last more than 15 minutes now and the burning sensation in my legs are more of a welcome feeling. 

Call that talent!  Riding a bike AND taking a self portrait.  I know!  I know!  Save the applause.

And for some reason the scenery always looks better when you aren't looking at it through a car window.  I never realized how beautiful some of our neighborhood really is.  (Bringing my camera was a great excuse to stop and rest every once in awhile!)